Random tidbits...

So I want to learn how to sew. I used to sew. Small things...we're talking minimal here. I took two years of sewing in 4-H and if you don't know what the heck 4-H is...it's an organization for boys and girls ranging from ages like 8-18 that develops life skills. In the same way girl scouts and boy scouts does this...4-H also does this in a different way. In 4-H you can learn about a variety of different things ranging from caring for cattle to knitting a scarf. Anyways back to my original point....I took two years of sewing...this was ages ago! I think I learned how to sew a pillow case, which therefore led to learning how to hem, and learned how to put elastic in something (what good does that do me now..I have no idea!). So that was the extent of my sewing knowledge. My mom pretty much had to glue my butt to a chair to get me to even finish the hem for my final project which I had to turn in at the 4-H fair...not going to even go into what the 4-H fair is....basically you present your best effort craft, etc and submit it for judging. I remember sitting outside during the summer in a lawn chair, hemming my stupid pillowcase...outside why you might ask? Because if you knew me as a child you would know that I much rather would have rolled in a pile of manure than do girly things like clean and bake all day inside. Now that I am older....I'm kicking myself for not caring more! My entire being wants to be more knowledgeable about things like cooking, baking (not just baking cookies but baking real things like breads, pastries, and pies), sewing, etc....things I now know little about because I failed to pay attention as a child. Now I see the amazing wealth of knowledge I missed out on by being so consumed with doing whatever else my heart desired....
Like sewing this...

How stinkin adorable is that! I'm also intrigued by things like handmade diaper bags....


and handmade burp cloths...not that they are all baby things, but someday I will want them for our children...someday :) They'd also make great baby shower gifts!
Here are the burp cloths...




or what about table runners...


On to other things...so I haven't blogged in awhile. Mostly because there have been things I have been seeing on others blogs that have kind of upset me. You kind find almost any type of blog you want to online. Some are really interesting and informative, and others are destructive and very opinionated. Well isn't that what a blog is you might ask? I wanted so badly to express my discontent about certain subjects that some other bloggers may write about...after all my blog should be my freedom of speech right? I kind of think I've decided that we should be careful to so quickly assume this factor. Does writing it down online really give me the right to not think that others have feelings and that its ok to put myself above others and not care about them, not love others even with their differences exactly as they are?
Christ calls us to this....to love our neighbors as ourselves. I see so much judgement whether it be on a blog or in real life...and how awful it is. Working moms vs stay at home moms, having a bigger better house, prettier things, fat vs skinny, ugly vs pretty, college education vs no post secondary education....its not just blogs its everywhere.
Something I myself have fallen prey to.
Something I have listened to the lies of.
Something I believed and became.
Something I found my value in instead of my Savior
Something I starved myself for just to be good enough.

I was reading through an adoption blog I was reading tonight, and as Dave and I pray about the possibility of God leading us to this, I realize already before we've even begun the journey how much of it already hits home. She wrote about the first child they chose to adopt...since then they've adopted many more, and how many things people said to them that were hurtful and just downright mean. Already as Dave and I have asked people to pray for God's purpose and will in this we've already received questions...of course people assume when you are considering adoption that you have fertility problems. I now know this isn't necessarily the case...we don't have them. We've never tried to get pregnant. So I don't think we have any that I know of. We have friends who also are in the same boat...no problem getting pregnant, just feel that God has called them to adopt before considering a natural family. Some people are so supportive. Others ask questions that I think they are meaning to come across as helpful, but really it just seems to speak their own fear and doubts outloud. Some of which are: well what if they have a medical problem (physical or mental handicap etc)....well what if they do? Are they not still God's child with one? Not saying it wouldn't be hard, but who am I to doubt God's provision, purpose and plan for such a thing? Others say well we know people who've worked and taught adopted children and they have so many "problems." I believe they were talking about behavioral, etc....doesn't every child have that potential? To be raised in bad environments with unloving parents, who don't know Jesus?? Thus they become a product of their environment....feeling unloved, with low self worth, and no idea who their Savior really is? Others mention concerns they have of how much knowledge we would lack about raising children since we might get a 2 year old vs a newborn...and how much preparation there is in the whole process...from conception to newborn to toddler etc. Is God not still bigger than this?
Maybe I'm hearing these things from people who just don't know the depth of faith and trust they can have in God. Believe me...I never would have guessed that God would even have us be considering this right now but he's already taught me so much through it...even if this isn't his will. I am so glad he reminded us how much bigger his plans are then ours, by knocking my perfect plan off its pedestal and shaking it up a bit just by getting us to think, pray, and consider his provision with our family.
I have no doubt in my mind that the new few years of our lives are going to be challenging...probably tears of both joy and sorrow, God continuing to help me release my grip on the plan for my life that I hold so dearly....but I am so excited to see where He takes us. So at peace about knowing that God alone knows what he is doing. God will equip us for whatever tasks he has for us on this earth and I just have to trust that. What an amazing God we serve! It doesn't matter if an adopted child, or a natural born child has a heart condition...God ordained it...he or she will still be ours...to love, cherish and provide for. To cuddle, kiss, read stories, and teach God's word to. It doesn't matter how much knowledge we may lack....God will equip us. I have no doubt. It's scary...but I know he'll meet us exactly where we are.
I'm thankful for those who have expressed concern, but I do wish they would focus on all the amazing things that God could do through this instead of all the negative things they can think of.
We still aren't sure what God is laying on our hearts yet....but I do have to admit as I think of holding a little boy in my arms someday to hug to my chest and rock to sleep...he's not caucasian....I'm not sure where he is from...only time will tell I guess and until then I can't guess...I have to trust God's perfect timing as to whether or not we'll start the adoption process or natural family planning.
All for now!
Bridget

So even though I haven't really figured out how to have any followers yet..except one..love ya Kris! I still like to post on here. It makes me feel open....free....to say anything.
So tonight I wanted to take a few minutes to vent my fear. I know fear is something that isn't of God...Satan loves to make us dwell on fear....gravel in it....live it. So I am speaking my fear outloud...maybe this will help me get over it.
I have this fear of disappointment. I always want to please people. It deeply hurts me if I feel that I have disappointed them. This of course gets in the way of doing God's will if I am so focused on what others expect and want from me. So I am starting to understand this fear more and more now. Tonight it tried to attack again. So many of my friends are having babies, and some are really cool about it....go with the flow, baby adapts to their lifestyle, not baby takes over their lives lifestyle...I know every baby is different. Some are laid back, some are more needy, etc.
With some of my friends, I am afraid that things will change as they start families....of course their family takes precedence over our friendship but I wonder will I be forgotten? Will I be tossed aside...as if my friendship to these women never mattered? As I hear myself say it I realize what the underlying fear is....fear or abandonment...fear of loneliness....fear of being forgotten....fear that I am worth nothing....that I will become the lie that Satan presses upon me....that I will be a nobody.
I pray off these fears...for my worth is in my Savior. I was created in God's image, perfectly handcrafted by his steady hands. The world will disappointment. The world will walk away, abandon me, and hurt me, but regardless...I am a child of God, beautiful and lovely in His sight!