To my dear sweet baby,
I sit hear right now wondering when you will make your debut. My heart says I am ready. Our home feels ready. Your daddy is soooo ready (you should see how excited he is about you. Yesterday he came home grinning from ear to ear with a book her purchased at a book fair for you). I guess you just aren't physically ready yet. Waiting for you is so hard! Someday you will understand whether you are a boy or a girl...when your own husband or wife is going through the process...how exciting this time of waiting can be! God's working on my heart to prepare me, and perhaps even more than you or I have control of our readiness...God knows it best. He already knows you. He made you! He knows your personality. He knows already about the tears you may someday cry. He's already shaping my heart to be your mamma, and I hope and pray that I will be all that and more to you. That God will give me enough strength to love you in abundance. That you will never feel unwelcome as a member of our family and always know that you belong. Truth is I am already a mom. I have been since the beginning of July 2010...the moment you were created you were mine and I have loved you so much ever since! Now I am about to meet you and experience a different part of that love! I couldn't be more ecstatic and my heart is just overwhelmed. I pray for God's timing to see your sweet face and hold you in my arms and kiss the tip of your nose. I know God is about to show me a love I have never known and I am so greatful for it!
I seem to have become more at peace with waiting in the last 24 hours. Maybe that means you are coming soon, or maybe I will still have to wait. Who knows! Regardless, come soon Baby Bareither! We can't wait to introduce you to the world!
Love Always,
Mommy
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Read at your own discretion- vagina's, a stubborn uterus and lots of TMI
So I haven't touched my blog in like....5 or 6 months...maybe longer. I find that today with all that is going on in my head I just need to get some of it out.
Tomorrow officially is my due date with Baby Bareither...40 weeks. Oh 40 weeks how I anticipated you, and now I am starting to just hate you. Wishing that the gestational cycle for a human was 38 or 39 weeks and that I would be done by now. I don't think any pregnant woman can stop it...all the sudden it is like a switch goes from off to on and you just want to be done. It really didn't matter that I wasn't that uncomfortable. If the cycle was 45 weeks I probably would be saying this instead at 43 weeks....you can't stop it. Not only that but all of your friends and family who love and care about you and are excited to hear of the babies arrival are constantly checking on you. It does make you feel loved but its hard. Hard cause you are constantly reminded yourself of the inevitable that still hasn't happened yet!
I didn't use to think too hard about natural labor induction techniques and now I feel like it consumes my mind. I google crap all the time about signs of pending labor blah blah blah and so far this is what I have found out...
Dilation- it's a good thing...of course you have to dilate to 10cm in order to push a baby out, but no amount of dilation means labor is nearing. I currently (or at least last Monday) am at a 3. We'll see if this has increased this week.
Effacement- you have to be 100% to push a baby out. Last week I was at 90%...again we'll have to see if its changed this week.
Engagement- some doctors score this on a -3 to a +3 scale others on a -5 to a +5 scale...I am at a +1...either way that means the part of the head that has to fit through the pelvis is through...so yay! The head isn't too big! Could be a better number this week, but again..we'll have to see.
Now last week at my appointment my doctor was acting like he would be pretty surprised if he saw me at my 40 week appt. He was very happy with my stats. Stupid punk got my hopes up. Now I am looking at the beginning of 40 weeks and still no baby! He pretty much said if I wanted to be induced all conditions were favorable to do so....darn desire to deliver naturally....at that point you just want to be done but I fought the urge and reluctantly confirmed my 40 week appointment.
So that appointment was on Monday (exactly at 39 weeks). Come Wednesday I had contractions all night long. In the early morning they were timable and then stopped when I got up. Thursday night- similar (but I could still sleep through most of them) but these were bigger like what they describe real contractions to be...start in your back and then to lower abdomen....again they stopped. I think it was Wednesday afternoon I started to feel pretty crummy. Intense nausea, vomited once...even after taking my nausea meds which hasn't ever happened. They do say you start to get some flu like symptoms right before you go into labor. So that got me excited. I drank a cup of tea and headed to bed hoping for the best....woke up...nothing. Wednesday/Thursday I am pretty sure I could have filled an entire porta potty with as many times as I pooped......again something they say happens about 24-48 hours before labor cause your digestive tract shuts down during so it cleans itself out. Really? So why is it now Sunday you stupid text book labors!
Some other stats that say labor should have come and gone already- I lost my mucus plug a week and a half ago. They say this can happen well before labor, but not when you have a bloody show. Yup, had that too and still nothing.
I talked to my sister on Friday I think last week and she said with both of her girls she had period like cramping which once she could time it, went in and she was truly in labor. Now I have heard from 5 million people so far...when you are in labor you will know! Hearing my sisters story, knowing my genetic link to have menstrual periods like her and my mother...I tend to think otherwise. Not so sure my labor will be quite the textbook labor everyone is telling me to watch for. Now I am more so worried that I am gonna miss something and barely make it to the hospital cause I want to stay at home for as long as possible. Well when you have menstrual cramps as severe as I do normally and you expect for labor to be much worse...I am not quite sure I will know when that threshold is reached. My sister said non of her contractions were ever bad..just menstrual crampish until they broke her water. Great. Good that it may not be that painful for me either until that point, but darnit...how the heck is this pregnant mamma gonna know when to go to the hospital?
My sister also gave me a good laugh...she asked if I had experienced what she liked to call "The Owie?" I of course knew she had to be talking about those lovely pains that I feel on a regular basis now that seems like the baby is basically punching me in the vagina. I responded with "The ones where it feels like you are being punched in the vagina?" "Yup! That would be the one!" It still makes me giggle every time I feel one.
So I think I am just gonna talk to my doctor about it at my appointment Tuesday if nothing happens before then. I've been having some intense pelvic and lower back pain and pressure. My sides have been really achy, but in my professional opinion (through all 0 of my birthing experiences) they are not severe enough to call it labor....just achiness, but maybe that is what MY labors will be like.
I am such a logical person. I like textbook answers. I like step one, step 2, step 3 types of instructions....this in no way shape or form is like any of that. Every woman is different. So even when I get advice from some...it doesn't matter. My experience could be completely different. All in all I guess I just need to listen to my body. Listen to my gut. I know myself better than anyone.
I did have some more contractions last night....progression I guess. Here's to hoping this little guy or girl makes his or her debut soon. I think I can still wait for awhile...it's the increasing size of the baby that worries me and having to push out something larger out of an already not so very large hole ;)
Til' next time!!!(hopefully not 5 months fro now!)
Tomorrow officially is my due date with Baby Bareither...40 weeks. Oh 40 weeks how I anticipated you, and now I am starting to just hate you. Wishing that the gestational cycle for a human was 38 or 39 weeks and that I would be done by now. I don't think any pregnant woman can stop it...all the sudden it is like a switch goes from off to on and you just want to be done. It really didn't matter that I wasn't that uncomfortable. If the cycle was 45 weeks I probably would be saying this instead at 43 weeks....you can't stop it. Not only that but all of your friends and family who love and care about you and are excited to hear of the babies arrival are constantly checking on you. It does make you feel loved but its hard. Hard cause you are constantly reminded yourself of the inevitable that still hasn't happened yet!
I didn't use to think too hard about natural labor induction techniques and now I feel like it consumes my mind. I google crap all the time about signs of pending labor blah blah blah and so far this is what I have found out...
Dilation- it's a good thing...of course you have to dilate to 10cm in order to push a baby out, but no amount of dilation means labor is nearing. I currently (or at least last Monday) am at a 3. We'll see if this has increased this week.
Effacement- you have to be 100% to push a baby out. Last week I was at 90%...again we'll have to see if its changed this week.
Engagement- some doctors score this on a -3 to a +3 scale others on a -5 to a +5 scale...I am at a +1...either way that means the part of the head that has to fit through the pelvis is through...so yay! The head isn't too big! Could be a better number this week, but again..we'll have to see.
Now last week at my appointment my doctor was acting like he would be pretty surprised if he saw me at my 40 week appt. He was very happy with my stats. Stupid punk got my hopes up. Now I am looking at the beginning of 40 weeks and still no baby! He pretty much said if I wanted to be induced all conditions were favorable to do so....darn desire to deliver naturally....at that point you just want to be done but I fought the urge and reluctantly confirmed my 40 week appointment.
So that appointment was on Monday (exactly at 39 weeks). Come Wednesday I had contractions all night long. In the early morning they were timable and then stopped when I got up. Thursday night- similar (but I could still sleep through most of them) but these were bigger like what they describe real contractions to be...start in your back and then to lower abdomen....again they stopped. I think it was Wednesday afternoon I started to feel pretty crummy. Intense nausea, vomited once...even after taking my nausea meds which hasn't ever happened. They do say you start to get some flu like symptoms right before you go into labor. So that got me excited. I drank a cup of tea and headed to bed hoping for the best....woke up...nothing. Wednesday/Thursday I am pretty sure I could have filled an entire porta potty with as many times as I pooped......again something they say happens about 24-48 hours before labor cause your digestive tract shuts down during so it cleans itself out. Really? So why is it now Sunday you stupid text book labors!
Some other stats that say labor should have come and gone already- I lost my mucus plug a week and a half ago. They say this can happen well before labor, but not when you have a bloody show. Yup, had that too and still nothing.
I talked to my sister on Friday I think last week and she said with both of her girls she had period like cramping which once she could time it, went in and she was truly in labor. Now I have heard from 5 million people so far...when you are in labor you will know! Hearing my sisters story, knowing my genetic link to have menstrual periods like her and my mother...I tend to think otherwise. Not so sure my labor will be quite the textbook labor everyone is telling me to watch for. Now I am more so worried that I am gonna miss something and barely make it to the hospital cause I want to stay at home for as long as possible. Well when you have menstrual cramps as severe as I do normally and you expect for labor to be much worse...I am not quite sure I will know when that threshold is reached. My sister said non of her contractions were ever bad..just menstrual crampish until they broke her water. Great. Good that it may not be that painful for me either until that point, but darnit...how the heck is this pregnant mamma gonna know when to go to the hospital?
My sister also gave me a good laugh...she asked if I had experienced what she liked to call "The Owie?" I of course knew she had to be talking about those lovely pains that I feel on a regular basis now that seems like the baby is basically punching me in the vagina. I responded with "The ones where it feels like you are being punched in the vagina?" "Yup! That would be the one!" It still makes me giggle every time I feel one.
So I think I am just gonna talk to my doctor about it at my appointment Tuesday if nothing happens before then. I've been having some intense pelvic and lower back pain and pressure. My sides have been really achy, but in my professional opinion (through all 0 of my birthing experiences) they are not severe enough to call it labor....just achiness, but maybe that is what MY labors will be like.
I am such a logical person. I like textbook answers. I like step one, step 2, step 3 types of instructions....this in no way shape or form is like any of that. Every woman is different. So even when I get advice from some...it doesn't matter. My experience could be completely different. All in all I guess I just need to listen to my body. Listen to my gut. I know myself better than anyone.
I did have some more contractions last night....progression I guess. Here's to hoping this little guy or girl makes his or her debut soon. I think I can still wait for awhile...it's the increasing size of the baby that worries me and having to push out something larger out of an already not so very large hole ;)
Til' next time!!!(hopefully not 5 months fro now!)
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