So even though I haven't really figured out how to have any followers yet..except one..love ya Kris! I still like to post on here. It makes me feel open....free....to say anything.
So tonight I wanted to take a few minutes to vent my fear. I know fear is something that isn't of God...Satan loves to make us dwell on fear....gravel in it....live it. So I am speaking my fear outloud...maybe this will help me get over it.
I have this fear of disappointment. I always want to please people. It deeply hurts me if I feel that I have disappointed them. This of course gets in the way of doing God's will if I am so focused on what others expect and want from me. So I am starting to understand this fear more and more now. Tonight it tried to attack again. So many of my friends are having babies, and some are really cool about it....go with the flow, baby adapts to their lifestyle, not baby takes over their lives lifestyle...I know every baby is different. Some are laid back, some are more needy, etc.
With some of my friends, I am afraid that things will change as they start families....of course their family takes precedence over our friendship but I wonder will I be forgotten? Will I be tossed aside...as if my friendship to these women never mattered? As I hear myself say it I realize what the underlying fear is....fear or abandonment...fear of loneliness....fear of being forgotten....fear that I am worth nothing....that I will become the lie that Satan presses upon me....that I will be a nobody.
I pray off these fears...for my worth is in my Savior. I was created in God's image, perfectly handcrafted by his steady hands. The world will disappointment. The world will walk away, abandon me, and hurt me, but regardless...I am a child of God, beautiful and lovely in His sight!
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