Abbie's 1st Birthday: A Week of Celebrating!

I am the mother of a toddler....woah! That is the first time I've actually said that too myself. Are you kidding me? She is still so much baby to me, but at the same time....more of a little girl than she is baby anymore. It's sad, and its amazing all at the same time and I've found myself wondering a little bit about #2 a little bit lately...eek! Did I just openly admit that to all ya'll? I will emphasize the "little bit" of that last statement. Not wanting yet, not trying (for a long while!) but still...for the thought to cross my mind is an accomplishment in and of itself. I didn't even have one of those horribly painful, rip you in 2 type of labors either, nor was my pregnancy that horrible. Although I was nauseous almost the entire nine months it was tolerable....so I am really not sure why my brain didn't turn to instant baby mush like a lot of women's do shortly after their baby isn't a newborn anymore. Anyway....back to focusing on this whole "toddler" thing.....Abbie is a toddler! I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. She is turning into one heck of an amazing little girl! Her birthday was wonderful....everything I thought it would be. How can one really plan the birthday party that their 1 year old child would want when they can't really express what they want yet? So like all parents, you do the best you can....and I did...and it turned out wonderful, and at the end of it all my heart was happy and joyful for this precious life that God blessed us with!

The week started out with a surprise on our back patio 2 days before her birthday. Grandma and Grandpa B had a new playhouse waiting for her when we came home from my parents Anniversary Party! She loves this thing and makes it possible for me to work in my container garden a little bit while she is playing and not putting dirt in her mouth :)

Here she is the morning of her birthday...so sleepy still. It was like 6:30 AM and she was leaving with Dave to go to daycare. Dave brought home this super cute dress the night before her birthday (She so has him wrapped around his finger!). I actually asked him to go to the store to get milk and what's he come home with....this adorable dress, and no milk! Ha!

That night after work we took her to get her 1st real ice cream cone at our favorite local ice cream place. I shared with her of course but she did a really good job. It was all over her, me and our clothes but I don't care....sweet chocolate and vanilla kisses are my favorite :)

Dave made this cookie cake for her to share with her friends at daycare. So cute!

Here is us at her little daycare party. I am lucky enough to work super close and so I get to go and nurse her over my lunch hour. On her birthday though I took a long lunch to get to hang out with these two cuties!

Her little daycare friends :)

The Saturday after her birthday we had her party. Dave and I both wanted to do something super small and my nickname for her for quite awhile now has been "Love Bug" so that is the theme we chose (lots of spring colors- butterflies, caterpillars, dragonflies, bumblebees, and ladybugs.)

The cake table:

Her birthday cake that I made....I practiced with fondant and cut out all the decor by hand....to say it wasn't hard would be a lie. Many times I cursed myself for not just buying the darn thing, but in the end I am glad I stuck it out. She loves bananas so I made it a banana cake with buttercream frosting. It was seriously so good!

Abbie's smash cake:

The banner I made featured in this tutorial:

Most of the party guests (Dave's parents, us, and my parents)

Abbie with her presents:

Blowing out the candle

She didn't do half bad!

Such an amazing day with amazing people. My heart is full and so is my stomach!

From God's Heart to Mine: James Chapter 3

Sometimes its hard to see past myself. I get so caught up in my own life, my own struggles, my own hardships, my own busy-ness, that I forget about everyone but me, myself, and I.

I had one of those days the other day. Satan was planting little seeds of doubt, greed, and selfishness in my mind and I in turn was letting these untamed thoughts run rampant in my head instead of taking them to God the moment they started.

You know the thoughts I'm talking about. We've all had them. They start with things like:

"I am just too busy right now to help out my friend (insert name here). Doesn't she know I have a million things to do too?"

or maybe

"Well no one helped me when I went through the same thing, so why should I give up my time to help them?"

(ugh that last one just gets me....and really shows how many lies fill our head when we don't continually give the stuff satan tries to fill our heads with, to God)

Do you recognize either of those? Maybe you have your own selfish thoughts in your head that will require a little clean up?

As I struggled through these thoughts and tried to justify my way of thinking, I finally reached for my bible (which I should have done in the first place) and opened up the book of James.

James 3:13-18 says:

^"13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. ¹⁴ But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. ¹⁵ This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. ¹⁶ For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ¹⁷ But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. ¹⁸ And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

To hear the words earthly, unspiritual, and demonic being used to describe my current state of mind was a slap in the face. Each are things I strive to run from, not toward. It was only in that moment that I reached for the word of God and he let me face the cold hard truth in his loving and gentle way that I finally felt my insides give a bit and realize how wrong my bitterness and selfishness really were. That none of my feelings were justified at all. That these feelings, according to this passage are never justified.

So how about you? Do you struggle with these same feelings sometimes? Friends we must run this race together and spur one another on to not let these feelings overtake us, but again and again take them to the cross and lay them at Jesus feet where they belong. His desire is for our hearts to look more and more like his, and he cannot do a good work in us if we continue to let Satan distract us from His will. He will give you strength, just ask him...

Philippians 1:6

^"6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

One of the hardest things to understand sometimes in life is that God doesn't promise comfort. Some people mistake lack of comfort for lack of God's presence. I can tell you that God has asked me to do many uncomfortable things. The last 10 months being one of the hardest of them all in my entire life, and yet I know, standing here on the other side that He called me to this. That had he not brought me through the refining process of the hardships of the last 10 months, that I wouldn't have learned half of the stuff He taught me had I gotten to skip it and it is in that alone that I sing His praise. He is a good God. He is faithful and he alone will sustain me forever and ever.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So what about your heart? Are there sometimes seeds of ungodly selfishness and bitterness harboring there? Take them to the cross and let God's grace wash them away. Use these moments even in the busy-ness of your own life to set yourself aside and be used by God to serve another.

Happy 1st Birthday to My Sweet Abbie Girl!!

Can today really be the day? One year from the first moment I laid eyes on you. One year from the first time I held you, touched you, nursed you, kissed your sweet cheeks....

This next one is my most cherished picture of us. It was our first family picture. I had dreamed about "the first family picture" for months before you were born. I had it all planned out in my mind. It would be of you on my chest with your daddy trying to squeeze in next to us as best as he could. I wanted that moment captured on film to treasure for forever as our first moments with you. So this....this photo is my most treasured because I didn't get "that moment," the one I dreamed about. You came out blue, not moving, not breathing, but I won't get into your birth story. No, today is about celebrating, and for your mama....I at least deserve a few moments to mourn.

To mourn what? To mourn the fact that you my sweet girl, are more girl than you are baby anymore, but at the same time to celebrate your sweet personality that is developing. I love hearing your sweet voice say the words you know. That squeal of laughter you have...oh how it melts my heart!

To mourn all the lost moments that I spent worrying too much about housework and selfish things, and knowing that never again will you sit as still in my arms as you did as a newborn. No, you are all about "going" now. Crawling at record speeds, trying to walk, walking around furniture as fast as you possibly can, exploring and getting into everything you possibly could and shouldn't be into, but yet again celebrating. Celebrating your excitement for life. Celebrating the joy that you bring to so many of those around you. It doesn't matter where we go, but you always make a friend. You befriend people in the grocery store, on walks, at the library, at restaurants....your smile is captivating and contagious. Don't lose that sweet girl. People in this world need to be loved on, not judged. I pray that that personality trait just blossoms in you more and more. I think you might even teach your mom a thing or two from the way you already love others.

I mourn the fact that I can't control this, and again its just one more way God is teaching me to trust Him. I like controlling things. I like overseeing them. It's scary to think how fast this year flew by. I know the rest won't be any slower and someday, if God allows we will have more children, your brothers and sisters, and time will get even faster. Yet I celebrate how precious of a gift you are. I pray that I cherish each moment that God gives me.

We named you after Abigail (King David's wife) in the bible. The name Abigail means joy, and that you are baby girl. You truly are a joy!

This year has been one of sweat, tears, and sacrifice, but always over flowing within all of that was the joy of you! Though our lives right now don't look at all like I thought they would 5 years ago, I wouldn't have changed what God asked us to do in the last 12 months for anything. He's grown us in so many ways through everything He has asked us in the last year.

So without further ado sweet girl, here it is...your last year in pictures. My goodness how you've changed!!!

Dear Abigail,

Thank you so much for letting me be your mama. You overflow my heart again and again every time you look at me with your beautiful smile! We pushed through so much together this first year, and we still came out on the other side unscathed. Thank you for being such an incredible daughter. You bring both your daddy and I so much joy, and I have to admit, I love seeing the softness that comes out in him when you melt him with one of your smiles or your overly ecstatic greetings when he arrives home. I keep praying that God will show me how to raise you, that he'll change my heart to be better at this parenting thing. That he'll strengthen our marriage that you'll be able to see a growing example of Christ's love for you. I pray for your own heart that you would see how amazing Jesus is from your daddy and I's example. After you arrived my heart became so much fuller....I didn't even know I had more room to love until you arrived. It made me wonder why we waited so long to start a family. Thank you for being our first born. Thank you for making me laugh and smile endlessly at you. Thanks for being one of my best friends at a time when life sometimes feels so incredibly lonely. Your night time snuggles sometimes were all that helped keep the smile on my face. We love you so much Love Bug and can't wait to see what the next year of each of our lives brings!!!

Love you forever and ever,

Mommy