Happy 1st Birthday to My Sweet Abbie Girl!!

Can today really be the day? One year from the first moment I laid eyes on you. One year from the first time I held you, touched you, nursed you, kissed your sweet cheeks....

This next one is my most cherished picture of us. It was our first family picture. I had dreamed about "the first family picture" for months before you were born. I had it all planned out in my mind. It would be of you on my chest with your daddy trying to squeeze in next to us as best as he could. I wanted that moment captured on film to treasure for forever as our first moments with you. So this....this photo is my most treasured because I didn't get "that moment," the one I dreamed about. You came out blue, not moving, not breathing, but I won't get into your birth story. No, today is about celebrating, and for your mama....I at least deserve a few moments to mourn.

To mourn what? To mourn the fact that you my sweet girl, are more girl than you are baby anymore, but at the same time to celebrate your sweet personality that is developing. I love hearing your sweet voice say the words you know. That squeal of laughter you have...oh how it melts my heart!

To mourn all the lost moments that I spent worrying too much about housework and selfish things, and knowing that never again will you sit as still in my arms as you did as a newborn. No, you are all about "going" now. Crawling at record speeds, trying to walk, walking around furniture as fast as you possibly can, exploring and getting into everything you possibly could and shouldn't be into, but yet again celebrating. Celebrating your excitement for life. Celebrating the joy that you bring to so many of those around you. It doesn't matter where we go, but you always make a friend. You befriend people in the grocery store, on walks, at the library, at restaurants....your smile is captivating and contagious. Don't lose that sweet girl. People in this world need to be loved on, not judged. I pray that that personality trait just blossoms in you more and more. I think you might even teach your mom a thing or two from the way you already love others.

I mourn the fact that I can't control this, and again its just one more way God is teaching me to trust Him. I like controlling things. I like overseeing them. It's scary to think how fast this year flew by. I know the rest won't be any slower and someday, if God allows we will have more children, your brothers and sisters, and time will get even faster. Yet I celebrate how precious of a gift you are. I pray that I cherish each moment that God gives me.

We named you after Abigail (King David's wife) in the bible. The name Abigail means joy, and that you are baby girl. You truly are a joy!

This year has been one of sweat, tears, and sacrifice, but always over flowing within all of that was the joy of you! Though our lives right now don't look at all like I thought they would 5 years ago, I wouldn't have changed what God asked us to do in the last 12 months for anything. He's grown us in so many ways through everything He has asked us in the last year.

So without further ado sweet girl, here it is...your last year in pictures. My goodness how you've changed!!!

Dear Abigail,

Thank you so much for letting me be your mama. You overflow my heart again and again every time you look at me with your beautiful smile! We pushed through so much together this first year, and we still came out on the other side unscathed. Thank you for being such an incredible daughter. You bring both your daddy and I so much joy, and I have to admit, I love seeing the softness that comes out in him when you melt him with one of your smiles or your overly ecstatic greetings when he arrives home. I keep praying that God will show me how to raise you, that he'll change my heart to be better at this parenting thing. That he'll strengthen our marriage that you'll be able to see a growing example of Christ's love for you. I pray for your own heart that you would see how amazing Jesus is from your daddy and I's example. After you arrived my heart became so much fuller....I didn't even know I had more room to love until you arrived. It made me wonder why we waited so long to start a family. Thank you for being our first born. Thank you for making me laugh and smile endlessly at you. Thanks for being one of my best friends at a time when life sometimes feels so incredibly lonely. Your night time snuggles sometimes were all that helped keep the smile on my face. We love you so much Love Bug and can't wait to see what the next year of each of our lives brings!!!

Love you forever and ever,

Mommy