Full Heart.....Full Home: All Good Things Must Come To An End

I don't regret it. Not a single moment. Even though the first 3 months we struggled to keep you successfully breastfeeding Abigail, I don't regret any of it. I remember when your daddy and I used to have to fight you cause you would get so upset with it and we would be patient, and try, and try, and try again until I had tears streaming down my face seeing you so upset, but we got through it. You and me....we did it.
Your entire first year there was this fear in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to produce enough milk, that my body wouldn't provide what you needed, and somewhere in that mindset came this determination to not fail. Though I wouldn't have been a failure had I quit, or had my body not been able to produce enough, I am so glad I tried as hard as I did. I am so glad I was as adamant as I was.
I wouldn't have gotten through it if it weren't for other successful breastfeeding moms and lactation consultants. You were my biggest cheerleaders and I thank you for that! I thank my husband for continuing to encourage me even in the moments I hated it.

Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I've ever done. The first few weeks to months of toe curling pain, thrush, plugged ducts, mastitis, engorgement, pumping at work, plugged duct after plugged duct after plugged duct. Did I mention I got plugged ducts frequently? :) It's hard. It takes work and breastfeeding is definitely not for the faint hearted. I remember moments of looking at a mom with a bottle of formula in her hand wishing I could do that. Wishing I could just mix it up, shake it and give it to you but my determination got the better of me and I kept on. I remember counting down the months until I got to stop. Just wanting to make it to a year and then we could quit and slowly overtime that went away. Somewhere around months 3 and 4 I started to enjoy it and then month 6 right when I thought my milk supply wasn't enough for you we started solids and it was always just enough and then finally we hit that benchmark. 1 year! I did it! We did it! But then I knew we weren't done yet. You still enjoyed it, I still enjoyed it, and I knew as long as I didn't have to pump at work anymore that I could handle doing this longer and so we did.

I've come to see you at daycare almost everyday I worked since you were 8 weeks old and nursed you at lunch time. Those moments were my joy to get through the day when I had to work. You were my light on those days Abigail!

You've always been independent. A personality trait that I sometimes fault you for, but I am trying to focus on the blessing that it is. Far too many women today fall prey to peer pressures pushes and don't know what they want and don't have the determination to work hard for it. I pray your independence will be a blessing in your life and so many others. I pray that you use this trait to glorify God in all that He has for your life Miss Abigail, and so because of this trait alone it should be of no surprise to me that you chose to stop nursing the way you did. No questions asked just up and one day decided you didn't want to anymore. I wish I had cherished that last time you nursed more. I had no idea it would be your last at the time but I'll remember forever how hard we worked together to get here. I'll cherish the memories of all the moments I got to cuddle you and no one else did because I was the one that fed you and if you weren't being fed then the word cuddle didn't exist in your vocabulary. I'll forever remember how every morning when you woke up your daddy would bring you into me to nurse and sometimes if I was lucky you'd fall back asleep in my arms and I'd get to snuggle you. Breathe in the sweet smell of your hair and cherish that rare moment.

Thank you Abigail for almost 15 months of blessing me with something I had so much doubt that I would even be able to do, and thank you God for blessing me for each and every moment of it!