Dreams and Aspirations

I was encouraged tonight. My husband and I had a double date with some friends from church, who happen to be our small group leaders....a couple we both look up to, trust, and love.
The wife is a stay at home mom who is a certified birthing doula. She does this on the side, and of course her main priority is her family. She has the ability to only schedule as many births in one month that she can handle, and to say she is booked if she becomes to busy etc. It made me think about my job right now. Don't get me wrong it's a great job, but for long term I really want to be a stay at home mom. It breaks my heart to think about having to balance a job with expectations from bosses, fellow employees etc, however I could handle a job that I made my own hours with, set up my own boundaries depending upon the needs of our family at that season in life.
I have been turned off of my photography hobby for awhile. Mostly cause I am my own biggest critic I think. I just looked back at some of my photos, and I must say...they are pretty good for a beginner. Professional with years of experience...no...but is anyone expecting that who asks me to take their photos? No. They wouldn't ask me if they didn't like my work. I must say I enjoyed it more before it was weddings. Weddings are fricking tough to photograph. Stressful mostly. Just because there is so much anticipation of things you could miss photographing on someone's big day: the big kiss, her dad's first glance at his beautiful little girl, the grooms face as he see's his bride for the first time...the list goes on. It makes me nervous thinking about it. What's hard is...weddings make the most money in photography world. Is that selfish to think about? Harder to schedule...all in the summer, spring, and fall. Oh and dreaded camera fog in winter from the coldness. Engagment, maternity, senior pics....all can easily be scheduled in a 2 hour time block of an afternoon or morning depending on the time of year.
What has made me nauseous for the longest time, and quite frankly stopped me from picking up my camera in the last 3 or 4 months was watching every person I see talk about aspiring to be a photographer...it makes me question if I really want it, or if I am just like everyone else. I do enjoy photography but sometimes when I sit down to edit I get so frustrated.
I also have been wondering about writing/speaking as well. Are any of these ways God could use to help provide for our family? I have no idea....I just will wait and pray for God's timing. Trust him that he has a will in it all