As I walked into my bedroom this morning my heart stopped. Sank actually. There standing up on my vanity chair looking into the mirror was my little girl. Holding her shirt up to expose her abdomen and patting her belly. Looking at it intently in the mirror. Examining herself and I realized...she gets that from me. I knew immediately why she was doing this, because I do this. I don't say anything when I do, but I examine myself and criticize my flaws, at least in my head. So why wouldn't a young child who saw her mother do this be doing the exact same thing?
It's become very apparent to me as of late how much our children learn and take in from us. They learn manners and wrong from right, but they also learn about our ugly parts too. Our own sin. They pick up on it and grasp it and repeat it. Phrases, bad habits...all of it. Every single part of my being is being examined fully on a daily basis and I don't even realize it. It's good, because it challenges me. God has brought more sin issues up in my life since becoming a mom then ever before, but it's hard, and we can't be perfect, but we can do our best to glorify God in all that we do, and when we mess up, not only do we repent of our sin, but we also can teach our children as well through our own imperfections.
As a person who has struggled with some eating disorder issues in the past, I don't take body image for my own little girl lightly. In fact I was just talking to my sister the other day about how no matter how dissatisfied I am with my own appearance, I try my best not to verbalize it, but this....this moment in the mirror took it to a whole new level for me. Abbie notices how I examine my flaws in the mirror, and though she doesn't realize yet that I thought of them as flaws, the world will soon help her realize that is what I was thinking. That I was spending too much time thinking about my imperfections and my physical appearance and not enough time focusing on how God wants to change my heart.
Ladies hear me out here....the way we view our own bodies in front of our daughters is a huge part of how they will view their own bodies as they grow up. Now we can't be responsible for our children's choices. Nor can we blame ourselves if our daughter chooses wrongly when she is older, but we are responsible for raising our children in a biblical way. Raising them to glorify God in all that they do. And they learn by not just words, but by example. Our example.
Now don't mistake what I am trying to say here. I think you should take pride in your body the way God made it to be. 1 Corinthians speaks of our body being a temple and we should treat it as such, and Proverbs speaks against being a glutton. Teach your children to feed their body good foods that will help nourish them well, but also let them enjoy a doughnut sometimes. Teach them to not feel guilty going out for ice cream as a family occasionally. Teach them to enjoy the moments in fellowship around a table full of food and savor it. Teach them about exercise, but don't obsess. Running around playing at the playground is exercise, not just working out at home or in a gym. Swimming and splashing at the pool is exercise, taking a walk and going on a nature hike is exercise. Taking care of our bodies should be fun. Though often times it takes discipline, all things should be done in moderation. Now I'm not against makeup, and cute hairstyles, but you know your heart. Are you obsessing too much over these things, or are your doing your best to take care of the body God gave you, enjoying treats in moderation, and trying your best to praise God for the blessing that your body is instead of critiquing every imperfection?
Teach your girls to stand in front of a mirror and feel beautiful. It starts with us moms. These early years are so critical in teaching our young daughters that God made them beautiful. That we each are different....but beautiful and perfect in His image. This doesn't mean your daughter won't struggle with body image ever. In fact I am fully expecting to have my daughter come to me at least once in tears about something she doesn't like about her body (probably multiple times!). That's not wrong. That's normal, but what's important moms is our response to our daughters in those moments. Show them their Heavenly Father's love. Point them to God's perspective and where their self worth really lies, and above all be an example. Love yourself. Do you love yourself and who God made you to be? Flaws and all?
I admit, its hard sometimes to look in a mirror and know how puberty changed me, how weight gain and weight-loss changed me, how 2 pregnancies and 2 births changed me, but each one of those moments in my life was meant to be there. Meant to leave it's mark. I'm not going to get any younger, in fact, statistics show that we only keep getting older....ha! Are we surprised by that? Wouldn't it be wonderful if our culture found beauty in weathered hands and bodies? Hands that have served endlessly time and time again? Hands that washed peoples feet? Bodies that birthed life? Bodies that worked hard to take care of a family their entire life? Bodies that sacrificed financially again and again to serve others?
I don't want to sound all cliche and thoughts of the phrase "it's what's inside that counts," are sure to cause an eye roll. My own eyes even roll at that phrase, but for real ladies....if we don't model this for our daughters who will? The girls they meet in school? The hormone laden teenage boys they have crushes on? It is our responsibility to model this for our girls. To teach them that they are more than hair, more than 6 pack abs and a bikini body workout in Seventeen magazine. No, our girls are valued. They are loved. They are treasured beyond measure by their maker.
Would you remind them of this? Would you remind them that even when they feel like according to the worlds standards they are far from beautiful, that He still does. That their creator finds them beautiful, and breathtaking. That He created them perfectly the way He wanted them to be and He loves them, and moms of boys would you raise your boys to know this about you, about their sisters, about all women? Would you raise up the next generation of men?
Psalm 45:11 says, "The king is enthralled by your beauty, honor Him for He is your Lord."
Genesis 1:27 says. "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
You see that? He is enthralled by us! Not only that, but we are created in His image!
Do you struggle too? Do you really believe you are beautiful? Are you discontent with your own body?
Choose to stand in front of your own mirrors and smile at the blemishes, the stretch marks put there as gentle reminders of the babies you carried, the skin that is no longer as firm as it once was when you were just a teen, the C-section scar....whatever it is dear friends, embrace it!
He's talking to you too you know....
You are beautiful and breathtaking. You are perfectly made and He loves you too. Believe it in your own heart, and it won't be nearly as hard for our own daughters to see God's love for them through you.
Read His word and remind yourself over and over again of His promises and what He says about your beauty and pretty soon the lies that you tell yourself will be replaced with truth. Let Him change your heart. Let Him remind you, how beautiful you really are.
Blessings,
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