After reading that book I was challenged, and I too found ways to find joy and praise Him even in the hard, but time went on. Life happened. My own lens grew clouded, and the scales formed over my eyes. My vision was distorted and that old all too familiar feeling of discontent, and bitterness started to creep in once more. Desperate for change I tried willing myself to be joyful. I tried again and again in the frustrating daily grind to find joy, but kept falling short. Fell short, because I was trying to be my own answer. I was trying to have the strength to find joy on my own. I forgot one important piece of the puzzle....Him. I can't be truly joyful without Him. Now don't get me wrong, I have always had Him since the day I became a Christian, but my walk ebbs and flows just like anyone's. I get proud, and walk ahead of Him. Rely on myself. Do it on my own, and He just keeps facing me back toward Him. I picked up that book again a few weeks ago, and was so challenged once more. To find true joy we must thank Him....even for the bitter cup. We must praise Him even in the hard. We must know Him more to the depth of our being, that He is good. He is always good. It's practice. It's a daily choice. A shift in perspective to see life through His lens, and all that is good. It's finding joy in simple moments, that if I am not careful, all too often quickly pass by. It's there in those moments that I am humbled. That I praise Him. Praise Him for things otherwise left unnoticed. Praise Him for the something that comes out of nothing. For He put it there to bless. He is a God of details, of beautiful intricate details.
This morning I had a few moments to myself to pen some of my own simple blessings. Blessings I was overlooking before. Some of them even felt suffocating at times, but as I am coming to realize once again, it's all in my perspective. Seeing the world and this life He has given me through His lens brings blessing. A heart full....
- Tiny trains scattered about on the kitchen floor
- Daughters bouncy curly mane of endless energy
- Midnight mama snuggles
- Sweet tiny curled fingers around strong hands
- Early morning hours in a quiet house
- Steaming first sips of coffee
A month ago the scattered trains and toys everywhere drove me crazy. The bouncy mane of curls that belongs to my daughter was too much energy for me to handle. Those midnight mama snuggles were becoming daunting and irritating when I was only focused on wanting to sleep, and how my time was being interrupted. Those tiny fingers....it had been so long since I took notice to even see how much those fingers have even grown. My sweet boy, is just that....a little boy. No longer babe. Small man child that I hope to raise to be able to stand up strong in the world someday. Who someday will have his own strong hands with tiny curled fingers intertwined. But today....today those tiny hands scattered trains about, and made train whistle sounds to his hearts content, asked mama to play, and read books, and that same sweet boy screamed at my feet when I made lunch, and screamed at my feet after his nap. Begged me for cookies with tears turned tantrum, and had multiple timeouts yesterday, but see....it is good. It is all good, and His heart desires me to find fullest joy even in tears turned tantrum, and late afternoon witching hour screams.
Friends if you also struggle with true joy would you join me? Consider purchasing a copy of Ann's book to aid you in your journey, or check out a copy from your local library. Then challenge yourself everyday to look beyond the surface and thank Him, truly thank Him for the blessings He has placed in your life...big or small, and let Him change your heart to see life through His lens. It's not about always being happy. It's not about feeling bad when you are sad or angry. It's about giving up those feelings to Him, and entrusting that this...even this, He intends to use for good.
I know that I'll spend the rest of my life practicing, and I won't get it right time and time again, but I won't give up trying. I won't stop letting Him change me, because the life I strive for here really is a tiny spot in comparison to eternity. Those moments of tears turned tantrum that make me want to scream myself, are moments as I let Him turn my heart to thanksgiving towards Him, that I'm learning who He really is. That my Father does this for me, for us, time and time again. That His love and patience with us, His own children, is the most beautiful form of love there could ever be. Without flaw. Full of grace. Unconditional love. He could do nothing else, and that right there is a life full of blessing.
Be blessed,
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