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I've been a blubbering idiot the last few days....crying at the drop of a hat, not being able to make tears stop sometimes, and each time its been in moments where I am overwhelmed at God's blessings in the friends He has provided for me.

Yesterday I had a really important doctors appointment to find out results and a treatment plan for next steps with my autoimmune disease issues, and my friend Hannah watched my kids....for 4 hours...4 hours!!!!  About a month ago I had my initial appointment with my new doctor, and my friend Trista watched my kids then for another 4 hours!!!  We have had other things we needed help with, and our friends watched our kids, helped do house projects, etc.

And you guys not only do they watch my kids but they actually play with my kids...all I asked was for a safe place even if they just watched movies the whole time, and they actually played with the kids, went on walks, and did art projects....

 


This whole thing is a really big deal for me, because you guys....I HATE asking for help.  HATE IT!  I don't want to burden people, and I can't always "payback" people, and I hate the feeling of "owing" someone, and since we moved here I have had to accept help.  I have had to ask for help many times, and though I still suck at it, God's teaching me something....that I need to allow room in my life for people who want to serve us in this way.  That there will be times I can payback, and there will be times when I can't, but to accept this as is.....a gift.  A chance to bless.  A chance to serve, and help provide for our needs...no strings attached.

It took me months to find a doctor who specializes in my issues, and is in network with my insurance, so I was thrilled to find her, but also knew seeking out care from her would force me to ask for help-  she is an hour away, appointments are an hour if not more long, and she only has daytime availability.  I can't ask Dave to take off work all the time, so I knew I was going to have to ask for help.  So yesterday, when I was pulling into Hannah's driveway, I teared up, and my eyes brimmed full....those same eyes that filled with tears last summer as I came to grips with what God was asking us to do....move...850 miles away from everyone we knew and all that we were comfortable with, to a land unknown, to a place we'd never traveled before, and trust Him....my biggest fear was leaving my family, and friends, and so as I pulled into her driveway, those tears were no longer of fear....they were of joy, because my God provided.  Beyond measure He has provided!

He provided a church immediately....before we even moved we knew where we were going to go-  One trip to Faith Church this summer, the same weekend we bought our house, and we had no reservations at all about calling this our church home.

He provided a faith based preschool at our church for Abbie, women's ministry opportunities, small group, sunday school, and much more...each one of those connections have allowed amazing friendships to blossom for our entire family!

Today was our last day of MOPs for the school year, and we watched a slideshow of pictures from throughout the year, and I could NOT, stop the tears...

He is good.
 
He is so, very, very, good.

He has been more than faithful to provide.

He asked us last summer to trust Him, and we did.

We took a HUGE leap of faith, and left all that we knew to travel to places unknown, and He provided.

We have a family.

God provided us a family!

And I can confidently say without fear, or sadness, that this is home....

Blessings,

Are you in a season of loneliness?  I've been there friend-  at one point praying for years for God to provide close friendships.  I encourage you to continue to press into Him.  Let Him fill you up, and trust that He is good, and will provide...never stop praying!

Room for Margin

I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately with our calendar.

So many things scheduled.  

Not enough time to think.

Or breathe.  

I need silence.  

Stillness to reflect, and ponder.

When I don't have time for silence, I start to feel like I'm being strangled.

Suffocated.

Perhaps I should have seen those red flags in my pleas of how my children had been making me feel the last few months, and going through a guilt ladden cycle of getting to the end of our days, and not being "good enough."

This past week I realized something.  We had a day where I woke up, had my coffee, and my devotion, and we weren't off and running to Bible Study, preschool, MOPS, playdate, or to run errands...we just were.  We just chose to simply exist that day.  There was no rushing.  No "hurry up, we are going to be late."  We just simply were, and it was beautiful.  We do that more often then I really can count, but honestly I feel so guilty about doing so that I haven't really taken time to enjoy it.  What I noticed that day was a HUGE difference in my relationships, particularly in my parenting...

I had patience.

There were still temper tantrums.

And sibling spats and squabbles.

The usual, but something was different...

I had stamina.  

I wasn't quick to anger.  

I was slow to speak.  

I breathed, before I opened my mouth.

I thought, before my tongue lashed.

It was that day, that I realized, all of my busy-ness was taking over my effectiveness in my life.  I was doing a bunch of things, but not necessarily any of them well.  

There was a time, when I could juggle about 20 plates at a time, what I have realized with my current illness (autoimmune disease) is even when I "can" do that, it doesn't mean it's good for me, or that I am doing all of them well.

Have you ever gone to a really nice restaurant, and when you sit down, they hand you a a small menu that is barely even a sheet of paper in size?  Upon first glance it's easy to think, "that's it?  This is all I get to choose from?"  But as you look at the entrees, and read the descriptions, your mouth waters, just at the sound of each item.  You place your order, and when your meal comes, placed before you is the most beautiful food you have ever seen!  You take a bite, and literally, can hardly handle how amazing it is!  Well take that experience, and compare it to one of going to IHOP....they hand you a menu that contains literally 350 items.  When your food arrives, you get exactly what you ordered...pancakes, bacon, eggs over easy.  It's neither the worst or best meal you have ever had...it's just a meal.  It satisfies.  Gets the job done....

You see the difference here in the nice restaurant is they are perfecting their menu.  They are choosing to focus on less things, but are doing each one exquisitely well.  IHOP...does many things, but you get just that type of quality...mediocre.  

I want to do great things.  Which means I need to do less things, so I can do each one I am doing...well.  To fine tune my focus.  To do life with, marriage with, parent with... fine tuned, precise focus.

I've been praying a prayer since last summer that is all Jen Hatmaker's fault  :)  In her book, Interrupted, she talks about a prayer that she prayed for God to "Stir up in her a pure and holy passion."  He's been doing some amazing things in me as well since I started praying that prayer, and for the first time in probably ever....I feel like I am starting to see who God really created me to be, not who everyone else has told me to be my whole life, and perhaps the most important part of that is....I'm finally listening to who God says I am!  So I am taking sometime to really press in, and hear His voice in my life, and what I need to be doing, and letting go of in order to let Him orchestrate my steps, and live with purpose, and passion.

Does anyone else here struggle with margin in your life?  I encourage you to take a big step back.  Spend time reflecting, and ask God what His best is for you....His answer might surprise you!

Blessings,

Thank You to My Moms

I spent sometime this past week thinking about my mom(s).

This picture of my mom and I was taken almost 10 years ago now....I was so young then, 22 years old, and completely unaware that the world indeed did not revolve around me.

My mom and I haven't always had the best relationship, but somehow we made it through my teenage years alive. I can remember a distinct turning point in our relationship- when I myself became a mom.

I started realizing that I said things my mom used to that I swore I never would as a parent.

I can remember distinctly a time when I was really struggling with working outside of the home and sending Abigail to daycare, and just crying to my mom, because I was so sad that I couldn't stay home with her. I had never really done that before, but I remember that being one of the first moments in my life of actually being authentic and raw with my mom. She listened, supported, and comforted me in the way that moms do.

Last year during a time when I was afraid to talk about us moving yet again in fear of what people would think, my mom's response floored me....considering moving 850 miles away, and yet she was one of my biggest cheerleaders during that time. It wasn't that she wanted us to move 850 miles away, but she could see God's hand in it, and she was supportive from the moment I even told her it maybe a possibility, and was one of the people that was quick to point out how it seemed like God was orchestrating something here for us in Pennsylvania.

My reflection this week led me to realize a few key things that my mom (parents) did during my childhood that distinctly shaped me into who I am today....

1) God and church were always #1- My dad was a farmer, but Sunday was ALWAYS a day of rest. Church activities always took precedence over any other outside activities.

2) My mom made my dad(marriage) a priority- Sure they argued...no marriage is perfect, but more than anything their lives did not revolve around us, and they didn't lose themselves in their identity as parents.

3) Our family unit was a priority- We did our best to eat meals around the table together. We were allowed to be in some extracurriculars, but it was much less than other families were. I can remember that frustrating me at the time, but now I see why. When we allow so much busy-ness and no time for margin in our lives, we lose sight of what is important. Being selective about the schedule of our family allowed for us to not lose sight of that.

I am so thankful that my mom made these a priority in our lives. I know some of them frustrated me at times, but as a parent now myself, I can see why they are necessary boundaries to have in place.

Thank you mom for not being perfect, but for being firm in your convictions of raising your family the best way you knew how. I am forever grateful for the foundation you and dad provided for me!

Now by God's design through marriage, I am also very blessed to have Dave's mom as my mom. 

I have to be honest, prior to getting married, I had only ever really heard bad Mother in Law stories, so it came as a surprise that I actually liked my Mother in Law...a lot! She is awesome, and an amazing source of reason, and biblical wisdom. Some people may call me lucky for getting a "good one," but I have to be honest, from what I observe of relationships with in laws, it goes both ways....some mother in laws can be overbearing, but as daughter in laws we also enter into marriages with a preset thought in our head that this relationship with our mother in law will be bad. One thing I encourage you to remember in an "in law" relationship is advice for both sides of the party- To daughter in laws, remember that this woman raised the man you married, the man you fell in love with....she must have done something right even if she is a bit overbearing about it. To mother in laws- let go. The bible says we are to leave and cleave to our spouse, this means that you are no longer your sons #1, and you have to be ok with that.

But back to my mother in law, Wendy- I want to say thank you to you as well! Not only have you been my friend, but you raised my husband. I wasn't there during his childhood, but I know full well the amount of selfless love you raised your boys with, the foundation of faith you grew them in, and you and Brad as well raised them up knowing that God, and your marriage were a priority over life revolving around them. I know he didn't always make life easy for you, but I also know God doesn't make mistakes....He knew, when He chose you to be David's mom that you were perfect for the job, no matter how ill equipped you felt. Thank you for being a good steward of him when he was under your care.

One of my favorite memories of Wendy happened about a year ago, and I was on my way to her house from Chicago, and she were going to be watching the kids while I was at the Hearts at Home conference. Abbie had gotten sick in the car from a flu bug which I thought was over in our house, and we had just gone through several days of sickness, work preparation for the conference, and I was exhausted. I arrived at Wendy's house basically in a heap, and she greeted me with a warm welcoming hug as she always does, and I just collapsed into her arms crying, and said "Why didn't anyone ever tell me that being a mom was this hard? Why did my mom make this look so easy? How could my mom have 5 of us and I have 2 and most days feel like I am barely making it?" I choked. She hugged me tightly and said "It is hard. What you are doing is hard. Being a mom of little ones is so demanding" but beyond her affirming my feelings and acknowledging that my season was hard she pressed on and said this...."But you are doing a great job."

Those words were like salve to my soul....comforting, peace filling, and bought God's truth right back into my heart.

Thank you Wendy for being a good mom to us! I can see your love in the way you pour into your grandchildren and delight in them, and that as adults you still want to protect us, but you know enough to step back, let go, and trust God with where He leads us.

What a precious, precious gift to be able to say I have not one, but two moms, and that I get to be a mom to not one, but two precious babies! Thank you God for these gifts, may I never take for granted these moments.

Just the other day I was doing another load of laundry and sighed as I threw the clothes into the washer, and caught myself....there are mamas out there who would so desperately love to be washing little ones clothes today. There are mamas who have washed little ones clothes all their lives only to have lost that same child tragically, and there are sons and daughters out there weeping today in loss of their mama. I don't "have to" do this laundry, raise these little ones, lose hours of sleep, etc....I "get to." Thank you God for allowing me "get to" do this. May I never take that for granted.

And so my final thank you is to them....thank you for making me a mama!

No matter what shape your heart is in this Mother's Day, I pray for God's comfort and peace to fill you up, and overflow you with the love only He can provide!

Blessings,