So many things scheduled.
Not enough time to think.
Or breathe.
I need silence.
Stillness to reflect, and ponder.
When I don't have time for silence, I start to feel like I'm being strangled.
Suffocated.
Perhaps I should have seen those red flags in my pleas of how my children had been making me feel the last few months, and going through a guilt ladden cycle of getting to the end of our days, and not being "good enough."
This past week I realized something. We had a day where I woke up, had my coffee, and my devotion, and we weren't off and running to Bible Study, preschool, MOPS, playdate, or to run errands...we just were. We just chose to simply exist that day. There was no rushing. No "hurry up, we are going to be late." We just simply were, and it was beautiful. We do that more often then I really can count, but honestly I feel so guilty about doing so that I haven't really taken time to enjoy it. What I noticed that day was a HUGE difference in my relationships, particularly in my parenting...
I had patience.
There were still temper tantrums.
And sibling spats and squabbles.
The usual, but something was different...
I had stamina.
I wasn't quick to anger.
I was slow to speak.
I breathed, before I opened my mouth.
I thought, before my tongue lashed.
It was that day, that I realized, all of my busy-ness was taking over my effectiveness in my life. I was doing a bunch of things, but not necessarily any of them well.
There was a time, when I could juggle about 20 plates at a time, what I have realized with my current illness (autoimmune disease) is even when I "can" do that, it doesn't mean it's good for me, or that I am doing all of them well.
Have you ever gone to a really nice restaurant, and when you sit down, they hand you a a small menu that is barely even a sheet of paper in size? Upon first glance it's easy to think, "that's it? This is all I get to choose from?" But as you look at the entrees, and read the descriptions, your mouth waters, just at the sound of each item. You place your order, and when your meal comes, placed before you is the most beautiful food you have ever seen! You take a bite, and literally, can hardly handle how amazing it is! Well take that experience, and compare it to one of going to IHOP....they hand you a menu that contains literally 350 items. When your food arrives, you get exactly what you ordered...pancakes, bacon, eggs over easy. It's neither the worst or best meal you have ever had...it's just a meal. It satisfies. Gets the job done....
You see the difference here in the nice restaurant is they are perfecting their menu. They are choosing to focus on less things, but are doing each one exquisitely well. IHOP...does many things, but you get just that type of quality...mediocre.
I want to do great things. Which means I need to do less things, so I can do each one I am doing...well. To fine tune my focus. To do life with, marriage with, parent with... fine tuned, precise focus.
I've been praying a prayer since last summer that is all Jen Hatmaker's fault :) In her book, Interrupted, she talks about a prayer that she prayed for God to "Stir up in her a pure and holy passion." He's been doing some amazing things in me as well since I started praying that prayer, and for the first time in probably ever....I feel like I am starting to see who God really created me to be, not who everyone else has told me to be my whole life, and perhaps the most important part of that is....I'm finally listening to who God says I am! So I am taking sometime to really press in, and hear His voice in my life, and what I need to be doing, and letting go of in order to let Him orchestrate my steps, and live with purpose, and passion.
Does anyone else here struggle with margin in your life? I encourage you to take a big step back. Spend time reflecting, and ask God what His best is for you....His answer might surprise you!
Blessings,
No comments:
Post a Comment