Somehow I missed it. Somewhere in between another pair of underwear left on the floor, shoes left out of their place another time, and my own efforts going under appreciated as I washed another load of laundry...I missed it.
Years ago I skimmed through a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It really is a great book! It talks about how as humans we have different personality types that desire different things. The 5 love languages are: Physical Touch (those who love hugs, kisses, hand holding, etc), Acts of Service (those who best feel loved when others help them do things- around the house, etc), Words of Affirmation (those who feel loved when someone tells them so or verbally affirms their efforts in doing something), Quality Time (those who feel loved when another spends time with them one on one), and Gifts (those who feel loved when others give them things- doesn't have to be expensive could be a flower picked in a garden, etc).
That is just a very basic summary but you get the idea. Well I am a mixture of a person who needs words of affirmation and quality time to feel loved, and Dave is a person who needs physical touch and acts of service to feel loved. Have I lost you yet? I hope not but if so this basically means that I feel closest and most loved by Dave when he takes time to sit down and chat with me uninterrupted and also notices things I do and verbalizes his appreciation of them. For Dave's love languages he likes being kissed, hugged, etc, and likes it when I do things for him like picking up his dry cleaning or running an errand for him or doing something on his to do list for him.
The goal in this book is to help us open our eyes up to other people's personalities in the relationships we are you in. I have also found this helpful in my relationship with my parents, and my friends. Say our spouse is a words of affirmation person, even though this might not be our own love language, we now know that affirming words from us to them will best show them we love them.
Tonight it all made a little bit more sense, and I really am not quite sure how I missed it. Dave is a man of few words and he is very introverted. Me? Well have you ever talked to me? If you know me you know I can talk circles around most people. So this makes for an interesting marriage some days....I could babble for hours and really, Dave just wants quiet. It's a hard balance. Something we have to work hard at. Something I can't take personally when he just can't handle talking anymore.
This weekend I watched my man work his tail off. Our house has been on the market for 6 weeks. Lots of showings. No offers. We lowered the price this week and are praying that this will do the trick to get us an offer. Dave has now been working at his new job in Chicago since May 23rd. He lives with family during the week in the suburbs while I hold down the fort at home, continuing to work, showing the house, and being a mom. This weekend he kicked it into high gear. I stood back and watched. So often I use my words in a controlling way. I felt recently like God said (in a nice God-like way)..."Just shut your mouth." I tell my husband how to do things, what to do, and when do them....so much He never gets a chance to learn on his own, and grow from it...cause I control it. God said "Shut your mouth." So I have been trying to. As I watched him work this weekend my heart was sad....Me? I just wanted to spend time with him since we don't get to see him during the week at all right now. I wanted to just sit and have a conversation with him, but instead I watched. Talked to him while he worked as he was able and just let him be. He fixed things. Painted things. Improved things. Rearranged things. Decluttered things. All in an effort to get our house sold. He used his gift....acts of service....and tonight as I was cleaning up the last of the weekends messes to get ready for another work week it hit me like a ton of bricks. This whole time, in all our almost 7 years of marriage I missed it. He wants to get my love language he really does, but when he serves me in some random act of service, he is speaking love to me the loudest way he knows how.
All those nights I got home from work after 6 and he had dinner in the making or ready and waiting....
In the beginning of our marriage when he worked a full time job and a part time job just to help provide us a better future....
The nights he came home from his full time job and would head to the library for hours to study while he was also in school full time....to serve me and Abigail so he could help provide better for us....
Applying to hundreds of jobs and not giving up even after many many many rejections....
Driving home from Chicago 3 hours every weekend in rush hour only to be home and work on house projects all weekend to sell our home and why? Because he loves us....he doesn't want us here away from him any longer than we have to be, and though it's hard for him to say that out loud because he is a man of few words, tonight, when I finally shut my mouth and watched him work feverishly, I got it. He is saying "I love you" to me in the loudest way he knows how.
What do you like to do to show your hubby that you love him? Come link in your thoughts with us on facebook!
Blessings,
Love this post!
ReplyDeleteGreat book…great post!
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