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Last week we discussed how we do toddler discipline here in our home. You can read that post here. I'm sure most of you know by now that parenting is an ever evolving, always changing by the moment, never quite the same with each kid challenge.
One day you try one thing and the next something else. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Today I want to share with you how we do timeouts.
Anatomy of a Time Out:
1. Set clear guidelines for your child on what will happen when a boundary is crossed.
Example: "Abbie we are going to go take a bath now. Mommy is going to go into the bathroom and run your bath water. Please come with me so we can get you ready for your bath." (Sometimes this is followed by willingness, and others by whining and crying and tantrums). If her response is whining and crying. I would then set a clear boundary. "Abbie we don't get our way by crying and whining. If you do not choose to be obedient and go into the bathroom so we can get you ready to take a bath, then you are going to have to have a time out." I say all this without raising my voice, without yelling, without being irritated...I just point out that she can choose to not have a time out or she can choose to have one.
*I do want to point out that sometimes I mess up and get irritated and raise my voice...just wanted to remind you that discipline in my home isn't perfect :)
2. Follow through once the boundary is set.
Example: Same as above scenario- If Abbie continued to cry and whine there wouldn't be any counting to 3 or threatening again, the result would be immediate action. I give her a small pause to respond. (Now that she knows we will follow through she responds more quickly. If we didn't respond quickly there would be no reason for her to make the choice more quickly). If she doesn't respond to obedience within the pause and continues to whine and cry I would immediately put her into a timeout. Rule of thumb that I've heard is 1 minute per year so I give her a 2 minute timeout since she is 2 years old. Again I set those parameters...I tell her she will be in a timeout for 2 minutes. She may whine and cry and carry on throughout this, often times she hasn't quite settled down to complete quiet within 2 minutes but her behavior is much improved and she is ready to talk about things. We then talk about the choice she chose and why she had a time out, and what she could do differently next time to avoid a time out. There are hugs, kisses, I'm sorry's and all is forgotten. We move on. We go to the bathroom and take a bath and she is fine. No grudges, no anger, no yelling.
It surprises me how much she understand at this age. The other day I asked her a question about something that had happened earlier in the day and if she knew why she had a timeout. She answered me with what she needed to do next time to not get a timeout. I was amazed. She is 2....they understand so much more than we give them credit for!
Here is a list of a few parenting resources that either I myself have found helpful or others have found helpful:
Helpful Parenting Resources for Christian Homes:
1. Dare to Discipline- By Dr. James Dobson
2. Any of the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo
3. Shepherding a Child's Heart- By Tedd Tripp
4. Love and Logic- By Foster Cline
5. The 5 Love Languages of Children- Gary Chapman
and last but not least.....
6. THE BIBLE!- No matter what "amazing" parenting advice/resource someone gives to you, you should always make sure it lines up with scripture.
There are many different ways to do things as a parent and some options are very wrong, but often times there is more than one right way. Pray about what is best for your family and let God lead your heart in leading your children. For example- I love the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo, but I've found its 50:50 in the parenting world those who love them and those who hate them. I followed the guidelines in these books about 50-60% of the time. Somethings didn't work for us, but many of them did. I have to remember that the next child we have may need different things than Abbie as well. I also have heard a million good things about the Love and Logic books. I recently started reading them and like MOST of the concepts, but there were a few things that bothered me...that's fine. I can use what I like and I don't have to use what I don't like.
What about you? What are your favorite parenting resources?
Blessings,
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