Anatomy of a Time Out and Some Parenting Resources

Photo Credit: babycalm.wordpress.com

Last week we discussed how we do toddler discipline here in our home.  You can read that post here.  I'm sure most of you know by now that parenting is an ever evolving, always changing by the moment, never quite the same with each kid challenge.

One day you try one thing and the next something else.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Today I want to share with you how we do timeouts.

Anatomy of a Time Out:

1.  Set clear guidelines for your child on what will happen when a boundary is crossed.

Example:  "Abbie we are going to go take a bath now.  Mommy is going to go into the bathroom and run your bath water.  Please come with me so we can get you ready for your bath."  (Sometimes this is followed by willingness, and others by whining and crying and tantrums).  If her response is whining and crying.  I would then set a clear boundary.  "Abbie we don't get our way by crying and whining.  If you do not choose to be obedient and go into the bathroom so we can get you ready to take a bath, then you are going to have to have a time out."  I say all this without raising my voice, without yelling, without being irritated...I just point out that she can choose to not have a time out or she can choose to have one.

*I do want to point out that sometimes I mess up and get irritated and raise my voice...just wanted to remind you that discipline in my home isn't perfect :) 

2.  Follow through once the boundary is set.

Example:  Same as above scenario- If Abbie continued to cry and whine there wouldn't be any counting to 3 or threatening again, the result would be immediate action.  I give her a small pause to respond.  (Now that she knows we will follow through she responds more quickly.  If we didn't respond quickly there would be no reason for her to make the choice more quickly).  If she doesn't respond to obedience within the pause and continues to whine and cry I would immediately put her into a timeout.  Rule of thumb that I've heard is 1 minute per year so I give her a 2 minute timeout since she is 2 years old.  Again I set those parameters...I tell her she will be in a timeout for 2 minutes.  She may whine and cry and carry on throughout this, often times she hasn't quite settled down to complete quiet within 2 minutes but her behavior is much improved and she is ready to talk about things.  We then talk about the choice she chose and why she had a time out, and what she could do differently next time to avoid a time out.  There are hugs, kisses, I'm sorry's and all is forgotten.  We move on.  We go to the bathroom and take a bath and she is fine.  No grudges, no anger, no yelling.

It surprises me how much she understand at this age.  The other day I asked her a question about something that had happened earlier in the day and if she knew why she had a timeout.  She answered me with what she needed to do next time to not get a timeout.  I was amazed.  She is 2....they understand so much more than we give them credit for!

Here is a list of a few parenting resources that either I myself have found helpful or others have found helpful:


Helpful Parenting Resources for Christian Homes:

1.  Dare to Discipline- By Dr. James Dobson

2.  Any of the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo

3.  Shepherding a Child's Heart- By Tedd Tripp

4.  Love and Logic- By Foster Cline

5.  The 5 Love Languages of Children- Gary Chapman

and last but not least.....
6.  THE BIBLE!- No matter what "amazing" parenting advice/resource someone gives to you, you should always make sure it lines up with scripture.  

There are many different ways to do things as a parent and some options are very wrong, but often times there is more than one right way.  Pray about what is best for your family and let God lead your heart in leading your children.  For example- I love the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo, but I've found its 50:50 in the parenting world those who love them and those who hate them.  I followed the guidelines in these books about 50-60% of the time.  Somethings didn't work for us, but many of them did.  I have to remember that the next child we have may need different things than Abbie as well.  I also have heard a million good things about the Love and Logic books.  I recently started reading them and like MOST of the concepts, but there were a few things that bothered me...that's fine.  I can use what I like and I don't have to use what I don't like.  

What about you?  What are your favorite parenting resources? 

Blessings,

Delighting in Motherhood

The days are so full anymore.  If I'm not working, I am home.  If I am at home, I am balancing the call of motherhood with managing my home, and pursuing what God is calling me to in ministry and some days I just function.  It's not always pretty.  It's not always glorious but I stumble forward putting one foot in front of the other and I forget.  Forget to love.  Forget to enjoy.  Forget to breathe in these precious moments that God has blessed me with.  Then He asks me to stop.  To wait on Him.  To trust Him that when I rest, when I stop, when I do pause to breath in the moments that my to do list will still get done.  That He is big and He is able and He will not abandon me.  Work will still be there.  I will find time, but these precious hours when I am on the clock as "mama."  Those won't always be there.  She won't always need me quite as much, and right now when she needs me, I need to be present.  Not distant.  Not focused on something else.  

One of those moments happened last week.  I was working on cleaning up the kitchen after supper.  Dave was working that evening at his part time job, and all the sudden I heard giggles behind me as Abigail entered the kitchen.  Her big grin could have lit up a stage, and as I turned to look at her, her eyes danced and I just took her in.  There around her neck were her play necklaces from her stash of dress up clothes.  Every single one of them.  She was delighted.  I smiled and told her how pretty she looked, and paused for a moment to oohh and ahh.  I then turned around.  Proceeded to wash the dishes only to stop mere moments later.  I turned back around and I looked at her and said "Mama wants to play dress up too."   I took her tiny hand in mine and led her to our bedroom and watched her eyes light up as I handed her almost my entire stash of jewelry to try on as she wished.  I pulled out things I never wear.  Headbands, rings, necklaces, bracelets, things my grandma gave me and each one she took with pure joy.  I sat on the floor of my bedroom that night with my daughter.  My oldest daughter.  My only daughter.  My only child, and just delighted in her.  We sat there way past bedtime.  Took pictures of ourselves.  Smiled.  And laughed.  

I'm learning.  One step at a time I am learning.  Learning to balance.  Learning to laugh and love.  Learning that 40 years from now I won't for a moment regret that I stopped doing the dishes to play dress up with my little girl.  No, I am a mom, and what I do matters, and that will always come before any other job God calls me to.  

May each of you find joy even in the tiniest of moments with your children!  Do you have any fun stories to share of some of your favorite memories with your kids?  Please do, and if you can't think of one, then take a moment and really just delight in your children!  You won't regret it I promise!

I'm taking a break for the rest of the week to focus on my family and celebrate Thanksgiving with them.  I'll see you all next week!

Blessings,

Grocery Shopping With...(GASP!) Your Children

As I was walking through the grocery store one day it suddenly occured to me that there was once a time when taking my daughter to the grocery store terrified me.  As a newborn...what if she cried?  What if she wanted to nurse and I was only half done shopping?  What if everyone looked at me and scoffed because she wouldn't stop crying?  The mere thought of it made me not want to ever go grocery shopping again, that is until I realized, I would have to.  Somehow I would have to find a new normal.  So I did.  Now I only have one child, but I think some of these tips will easily be applied when I have more than one child as well.

So here you go, a few tips that might help you as you venture out into the grocery store after welcoming your first born into the world, or maybe you are on #2 and you can't fathom how it will work with 2 kids now!  Hopefully these will help put your mind at ease a bit.

Image from Kolcraft.com

• Use a baby carrier-  I cannot recommend enough using a baby carrier for your baby while grocery shopping.  When you have a newborn, how in the world are you supposed to fit all of your stuff in the grocery cart if your car seat is in the basket?  I know you can put the baskets on some stores grocery carts seat areas (some stores won't work) but they never felt completely stable to me.  So I quickly learned to leave the car seat in the car and bring my carrier/sling with me into the store.  Makes for a much better experience, and typically your baby is less fussy nestled into you anyway.  When you have a baby and a toddler then piece of cake...toddler still gets to sit in the seat of the cart.

• Take snacks (and have backup snacks!)-  our trips to the grocery store go much better with an 18 month old if I have snacks with us.  I don't typically bring back up snacks (though I probably should!) but I just fill a sandwich baggy 1/3-1/2 full of whatever the snack is (pretzels, goldfish, crackers, Cheerios  etc) and let it sit next to Abbie in the grocery cart.  She is happy and content and I can get my shopping done.

• Treat your child with respect-  I know this sounds kind of funny, but hear me out on this.  Of course we all assume we treat our children with respect, but do you really?  In the grocery store for example, talk to them like you would anyone else.  Engage them in what you are doing.  Walking by the fruits and veggies section?  Talk to them about the different types and colors.  They are living beings who will someday need to be highly functioning adults.  Now you don't need to push them to learn too much and make every trip be a big ordeal but engage with them while you are shopping and chances are the distraction will help keep them better behaved.

• Give them something to look forward to-  On our trips I try and make sure to keep Abbie's interests in mind.  For us this means a stop at the fish tanks, or better yet...the lobster tank if the store is only a grocery store.  Abbie loves the lobsters, sometimes we even name them (that may be cruel...I dunno, but I find it hilarious!).  If your store doesn't have either, then take a trip down the toy aisle.  Set clear boundaries for your children though.  Make sure they understand that you aren't buying any toys today, just look at them and see if its something they could ask for for birthdays, or even save up their allowance to buy, etc.  I've found that when I set clear parameters, even with an 18 month old and I follow through with them, I get respect and less tantrums in return, since she knows what to expect.  

• Give yourself a break-  sometimes just leave the kids at home with your hubby and go enjoy a peaceful, whine free, shopping trip by yourself.  Heck buy yourself a latte on the way and lavish in the moment of complete silence in your car :)  

Happy Shopping!

Blessings,