You see I've had two things on my heart a lot lately. The first is praying about future children. I struggle with this thought a lot. Both Dave and I have talked quite a bit about just having two children or having three. Neither of us is sure what exactly the future holds, but I know I struggle most with not wanting to go through another hard pregnancy. Before we ever even had Abbie we thought God may actually have us adopt before we had biological children. Obviously He had other plans in mind...
Enter Exhibit A and B :)
So since we don't want our children to be 5 years apart and we've also discussed adoption, as soon as Alex was born my mind started racing about "what next." (Have I mentioned I'm really type A...you couldn't tell right? :) Did we need to start an adoption process? Are we done? I have no idea yet, but I know I need to press into God about it.
The other worry is about my future. We know for now my role has become more of an at home role, but it is our desire that one day I will be working more. My #1 desire for whatever that looks like is that I can always put God, my marriage, and my children first before a career. As many of you know though, my heart has deep desires and what I ultimately feel God has called me to, and that is to speak to and encourage women. My heart feels most full when I am able to use this spiritual gift. So I also worry about what that looks like. I worry about choosing the right path. I worry about whether I should go back to school or not. I worry about making mistakes and choosing the wrong things, and just recently it hit me....I was spending all kinds of time online researching different career and adoption options, and hardly anytime actually reading God's word and praying about either issue. I was convicted as I realized how little of God's word I actually know and how much more I need to know. The hard part is, when you are raising small children your devotion time is no longer much "time" at all. It's actually more so done in small snippets. A bible verse here, an uttered pray there. Most days my heart is left craving a quiet moment for myself, and hardly time for a Savior, and let's not even talk about the leftovers my husband often gets. This in and of itself leads to its own conviction.....I NEED Jesus. Period. I can't do any of this life without him. When I start my day with my feet running, I am soon encompassed by burnout.
No answers will ever come from my God about adoption or another pregnancy, or a career choice in the future unless I spend time with Him and ask Him. Unless I spend time in His word and get to know His heart better.
As I thought about this more, I realized how little of God's word I actually know. I've tried bible reading plans before only to hate them cause they made me feel like a failure every time. I knew my moments in the word would still be limitd because of the demand that young children come with. So I started looking around and found this....
Now that sounds right up my alley! What I need to finally understand is that it doesn't matter if I don't have hours to spend in God's word everyday. What matters is that I am in it. That His word is what leads my days, not my to do list. I like the way this reading plan is set up. It has every part of the bible assigned to each day of the week. What I've been doing is reading 1 chapter a day and just crossing that chapter off once it's finished. If I miss a day, I pick up on the next assigned reading on that particular day....no playing catch up and feeling guilty about it. It's doable. Even for me. I printed a copy off to keep with my bible so that I can map out my progress and someday...though maybe 3 years from now, I will finish.
Now I'm gonna be honest. It's still a fight to finish even 1 chapter a day. Last week I sat down to read next to Abbie while she was playing. I literally had to get up and down 5 or 6 times due to Abbie or Alex's needs before the entire chapter got read....1 chapter!!! It's hard but I know it's right. If I don't let God's word lead me in all areas of my life then someday I am going to look back and regret how much I failed to submit to His will, and that ultimately is what this life is all about....that I say "yes God" to wherever He leads me and allow Him to change my heart to become more like His.
Do any of you struggle with reading the bible? Would you be interested in joining me as I work my way through it? No matter if it takes you 1 year or 5, what ultimately matters is that you are letting God's word lead your heart!
Blessings,
I have a hard time with this too! I usually get in one chapter a day, but I feel like I just rush through it right before bed instead of really spending time with the Lord.
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