I've had this desire in my heart for awhile now that I am just not sure what to do with. I spoke a little about it in one of my first posts. For quite sometime now I've questioned whether this path I am on is really the right path for me? Is this is really where God has taken me or if this is where I brought myself to? I like safety. I like security. I like control. Don't get me wrong I've seen purpose and learning in this path along the way, but I'm just not sure my heart lies within my present career state. I work with animals, cause I've always loved animals, but lately my heart just wants to help people. Women in particular. I've always loved moments of sharing with young single women or even with women in dating relationships. My spiritual gifts are definitely highest in counseling and shepherding which explains why so many times women whom I don't even know very well will just start sharing intimate details about themselves with me. They open up even the most wounded areas of their hearts and share them with me! Why me? I've grown to really enjoy speaking in front of women, investing in their lives, and letting God work through me. I've even thought about writing as a way of investing into women's lives and I just smile at the thought, and though I do care about animals it doesn't bring me true joy. I've tried to be content. God has blessed me with so many things....so much more than I deserve, but I can't help but wonder if I painted this picture of my life myself? Did I really let the master of the universe lead me here or did I force myself one step ahead of him so that I could maintain control? I write this because it's been on my heart.
Recently I learned of a conference through Proverbs31.org ministries that I could attend in order to gain knowledge and experience as a public speaker and writer. I've been praying about this opportunity. God do you really want me here? It's completely something that I am not in control of if He does. I can't even begin to admit how scared I am if God really does want this for me? To maybe leave the field of veterinary medicine which I've known for so long? To give up a steady paycheck? Lord I ask only because I want to be fully yours!
I've been reading Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl, by Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs31 Ministries. As I read her story about how she came to be where she is now, jumping from one career to the next, "filling this gap" that only could be filled by the Creator Himself, my entire being related with her heart. "Who am I God?" I ask. "Where do you want to send me?"
Much to my surprise when I checked on the Proverbs31 website at the beginning of this week I found this link:
http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2010/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest.html
A scholarship for someone to go to this amazing conference!
And here is a link all about the conference itself:
http://www.shespeaksconference.com/index.htm
I write this post hoping to possibly be the one chosen to win such an amazing opportunity! For now I just sit, wait, and pray for God's timing and His provision for my life! Even if I don't win, I don't take that as a sign that this isn't where God wantsme. I'll just continue to pray that I will give God all of me to use for His purposes and not my own.
God Bless!
Bridget
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Love and (Dis)respect
Today has been an interesting day...a good day, but an interesting one. My hubby and I have been eagerly awaiting the spring in order to start our outdoor projects. With him taking 3 classes while working full time, life can be a little crazy. We had originally decided that we would work on outdoor projects once the spring semester ended during his break before summer school started. Then the other day we were like...well why not just get it over with that way his break is actually well...a break. I told him that I could dig up the old patio and try to keep his work as minimal as possible since he is in school right now. So then we come to today...forecasts were calling all week for snow in central Illinois this weekend even though we have had days in the upper sixties this week. I woke up this morning seeing the sun shining somewhat but still cloudy...no snow, no rain, a little chilly but I thought eh why not...let's get this project started cause who knows what the weather will be like later. Well lo and behold the project ended up being much harder then I thought it would be for a girl anyway, but I was determined. I ended up getting kinda irritated at the hubby cause he was inside doing homework and not helping me which of course led to an argument, then to an even bigger argument which involved me being angry, saying disrespectful things I shouldn't, and some not so very nice words. I know I have a temper....it's my worst trait. I can't seem to nip it in the butt.
Sometimes I find that I hurt the one I love the most, the worst....because I know he loves me so much and will forgive me. I think out of all the people in my life he is the one I truly can say I trust. I still have my moments of fear even with him that I get defensive to protect myself and my heart...then I remember...this is Dave....he loves me!
My temper gets me in trouble and to be quite honest it's inexcusable. I have my own 26 year old version of temper tantrums sometimes and when I really step back and look at them from the outside in, I recognize how ridiculous they are. I pray that God will free me from the hold my anger sometimes can have on me. That it would be replaced with joy. That I would love and respect my husband as God has called me to.
The day improved and turned out to be quite a good day! I finished digging up both patios...took me about 4.5 hours but it's all done except for a small area I left to walk out our back door on so we don't have to trek through mud. I spent some time with my neighbor and her family- taught her how to make homemade laundry soap which is a huge money saver. Took some measurements for our new patio to calculate how many cubic yards of concrete we need...it's gonna cost more than I anticipated but it's ok. We have some extra income this month and we both know how much we will really enjoy having this space for ourselves and entertaining in it. Went out to eat at chipotle and went shoe shopping with the hubs. A good day! I'm excited and intrigued cause a friend of mine has just started making her own yogurt,....it's actually really easy so I am excited to try it!
All for now...sorry some of this post is so random!
God Bless!
Sometimes I find that I hurt the one I love the most, the worst....because I know he loves me so much and will forgive me. I think out of all the people in my life he is the one I truly can say I trust. I still have my moments of fear even with him that I get defensive to protect myself and my heart...then I remember...this is Dave....he loves me!
My temper gets me in trouble and to be quite honest it's inexcusable. I have my own 26 year old version of temper tantrums sometimes and when I really step back and look at them from the outside in, I recognize how ridiculous they are. I pray that God will free me from the hold my anger sometimes can have on me. That it would be replaced with joy. That I would love and respect my husband as God has called me to.
The day improved and turned out to be quite a good day! I finished digging up both patios...took me about 4.5 hours but it's all done except for a small area I left to walk out our back door on so we don't have to trek through mud. I spent some time with my neighbor and her family- taught her how to make homemade laundry soap which is a huge money saver. Took some measurements for our new patio to calculate how many cubic yards of concrete we need...it's gonna cost more than I anticipated but it's ok. We have some extra income this month and we both know how much we will really enjoy having this space for ourselves and entertaining in it. Went out to eat at chipotle and went shoe shopping with the hubs. A good day! I'm excited and intrigued cause a friend of mine has just started making her own yogurt,....it's actually really easy so I am excited to try it!
All for now...sorry some of this post is so random!
God Bless!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Distractions
Why is it that whenever I know I need to just sit down and spend some quality time with my Savior, that my mind just won't settle? It keeps being distracted by a million different things!
The very thing that I need the most is most often the thing I spend the least amount of time doing. How much more patient would I be if I spent more time with Jesus? How much more joy would I have if I daily gave Him the best part of my day...the part of my day that is fresh and rejuvenated, the part of me that hasn't been wearied by a days work, or bruised by scars that humanity tends to bestow on one another?
All day long I have been thinking about plans for our outside projects that are coming up. I am so eager to get started that I have practically thought of nothing else all day. Lord bring balance to my life. To not be so absorbed by every project I throw myself into, but instead realizing the daily responsibilities you have also given me and to not take them lightly.
Ok I need to go spend sometime with God before I go to bed, but I am excited to start posting about our upcoming projects soon. Last summer when we bought our house we focused every ounce of energy on the interior. With that pretty much done we're turning our attention to the outdoors. Soon to come: ripping out our existing ugly patio and front patio, setting our new patio, painting our shutters & storage shed, digging and planting the garden, and designing some landscaping and flower beds....super excited for the finished products....the leg work eh not so much!
The very thing that I need the most is most often the thing I spend the least amount of time doing. How much more patient would I be if I spent more time with Jesus? How much more joy would I have if I daily gave Him the best part of my day...the part of my day that is fresh and rejuvenated, the part of me that hasn't been wearied by a days work, or bruised by scars that humanity tends to bestow on one another?
All day long I have been thinking about plans for our outside projects that are coming up. I am so eager to get started that I have practically thought of nothing else all day. Lord bring balance to my life. To not be so absorbed by every project I throw myself into, but instead realizing the daily responsibilities you have also given me and to not take them lightly.
Ok I need to go spend sometime with God before I go to bed, but I am excited to start posting about our upcoming projects soon. Last summer when we bought our house we focused every ounce of energy on the interior. With that pretty much done we're turning our attention to the outdoors. Soon to come: ripping out our existing ugly patio and front patio, setting our new patio, painting our shutters & storage shed, digging and planting the garden, and designing some landscaping and flower beds....super excited for the finished products....the leg work eh not so much!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Sunday Afternoon Thoughts
So I have tried numerous times to get a blog to work, and I have never quite taken the time I should have to figure out how they work. I can never quite figure out layouts properly, or how to import pictures into posts but I think I finally figured this one out.
My problem before was mostly figuring out how to add people to it....so if you are reading this consider yourself lucky since I was able to figure out how to add you!
Numerous things have been on my heart lately that I'm trying to work through. Just a few of them:
1) My job- I love where I work. My bosses are incredible and run their business with such integrity and ethical value. Their faith is a large part of their business and it shows in their everyday lives. Problem is....I work as a veterinary technician which I do like working with animals and my coworkers and our clients, but I just don't know that my heart is in it. I love the hands on side of my job- blood draws, IV catheters, work on the microscope but my heart seems to be drawn to helping women...of all ages. Single girls, newlyweds, young mothers....I know we all aren't called to fulltime ministry but I've often thought about speaking or writing to invest in the lives of women. So where do I start? Educate myself...I must spend time in the word, spend time with God and seek out if this is part of His will for me. There is a speaking/writing training conference through Provers31 ministries that I am intrigued by and am praying about whether or not God wants me to go.
2) Family- Dave and I have been recently wondering if it is in God's plans for us to adopt a child first before having natural born children. We don't have any fertility problems that we know of, and are unsure at this point, but definitely feel that it is possible he maybe leading us to do so, and so we wait, and we pray!
Well I think I am going to go read a book I've been working on called "Coming Attractions" by Robin Jones Gunn. She is a christian fiction author, and this is the 3rd book in one of her series. It's getting pretty good and I like to wrap myself up in a good fiction book when I can. My first Christian fiction love is Karen Kingsbury but I have read many of hers and am now waiting for her next book in the series I was working on to come out within the next month...super excited!!!
Tonight we have plans with some friends from church for supper. I love our church. It really has become a second home for us....another family....and a place of safety!
Til later~
BB
My problem before was mostly figuring out how to add people to it....so if you are reading this consider yourself lucky since I was able to figure out how to add you!
Numerous things have been on my heart lately that I'm trying to work through. Just a few of them:
1) My job- I love where I work. My bosses are incredible and run their business with such integrity and ethical value. Their faith is a large part of their business and it shows in their everyday lives. Problem is....I work as a veterinary technician which I do like working with animals and my coworkers and our clients, but I just don't know that my heart is in it. I love the hands on side of my job- blood draws, IV catheters, work on the microscope but my heart seems to be drawn to helping women...of all ages. Single girls, newlyweds, young mothers....I know we all aren't called to fulltime ministry but I've often thought about speaking or writing to invest in the lives of women. So where do I start? Educate myself...I must spend time in the word, spend time with God and seek out if this is part of His will for me. There is a speaking/writing training conference through Provers31 ministries that I am intrigued by and am praying about whether or not God wants me to go.
2) Family- Dave and I have been recently wondering if it is in God's plans for us to adopt a child first before having natural born children. We don't have any fertility problems that we know of, and are unsure at this point, but definitely feel that it is possible he maybe leading us to do so, and so we wait, and we pray!
Well I think I am going to go read a book I've been working on called "Coming Attractions" by Robin Jones Gunn. She is a christian fiction author, and this is the 3rd book in one of her series. It's getting pretty good and I like to wrap myself up in a good fiction book when I can. My first Christian fiction love is Karen Kingsbury but I have read many of hers and am now waiting for her next book in the series I was working on to come out within the next month...super excited!!!
Tonight we have plans with some friends from church for supper. I love our church. It really has become a second home for us....another family....and a place of safety!
Til later~
BB
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