Full Heart.....Full Home

After worrying myself over and over again about if I will be able to someday be a SAHM, I talked with Dave about it. He too wants this for me, but he also doesn't know what the future holds. It's not that he won't try his hardest to make this a reality, but he made a really good point as we were talking....he reminded me that my worth is not determined by whether or not I get to stay home with our children. I won't be defined as a bad mother if God asks me to work part time or full time. In fact I won't be a bad mother at all. Today made me really stop and think about it all. It's time for evaluations at work, and a few weeks ago we were asked to fill out a self evaluation as well as a small evaluation about our management. I received mine back this evening with comments from the doctors (my bosses)......

Bridget is a real joy to work alongside. She is wonderful organized and always thinking ahead. She is wonderfully cross-trained and able to perform capably as either CSR or CVT. Due to circumstances beyond our control she has worked a lot as a CVT lately. She has slid into this role effortlessly and really grasped the Highland protocols and culture. She is an exceptional advocate for the client – and I truly appreciate that! She is always well-groomed and a very friendly and receptive face at the front desk.

I encourage Bridget to continue to develop her management skills. This includes attending more management seminars, reading management articles on-line and in journals and creating and implementing new client services. She has a real gift in the arena and a true thirst for knowledge.

You are nothing less than a miracle for HPH! I love your joyful attitude and your willingness to figure out client needs and completely address them and follow through to the end. (Versus allowing someone else to finish up on a client need.) I think you should have great confidence in your knowledge regarding medicine, and this shows when you make recommendations to clients. If I have ever seen you make a bad recommendation, I can't remember it.

I must say I am far harder on myself than they are. I was so flattered to read these and of course they got me thinking outside the box. This whole time that I've worried and fretted and feared over God's will for our future family...just knowing that God must want me to stay at home, I haven't even asked him. I've really just assumed, and yet I can't assume something like this for if I do I very well may be missing out on some of the greatest things God has for me. Ministry opportunities, chances to grow in leadership and in love of people...and maybe he wouldn't be able to teach me these things if I weren't working at least some. Not saying this is his will, but I forget so quickly that me staying at home was my self determined plan all along. Now God very well may ask it of me.....and it will be hard to leave the structure of a job, working at a place that I truly like, losing an income, and wondering if I am wasting my talents, but how much am I missing out on now and where God has me and all that he could be teaching me because I am so focused and certain (of my own plan at least) that I will stay at home....how do I really know that yet? What's most important is that I ask God what he wants for me, for us. What is best for us...not what is best for my best friend, and for my neighbors, and for other women at our church. To not compare myself to them, but to trust God with his specific plan for me....regardless of what everyone else says and what the rest of the world does....my job is to focus on God, grow with him, trust him, trust Dave as the leader of our family and submit to his authority.....and if that means working, well I guess I will work then and do it joyfully and praise God for it :)