To my future babies...

To my future babies....
I was thinking about you a lot today. My heart started to open up more to the thought of you. Don't you ever think for a moment that I didn't want you! No that was never it. I have always wanted you! I'm just so selfish I wanted to see my heart change so that you would never enter a world were you would feel like you were a regret. That never, not even for a moment would you feel like your mamma even had a hint of remorse over you. That you will always know you were and are wanted and loved...always! I started thinking about what it would feel like to feel you kick inside me, to be up with you all night because you just couldn't settle yourself down. I wondered what it would feel like the day I might have to go back after maternity leave and leave you. Leave you in someone else's care, for someone else to teach you, and love on you. Oh how I pray so often to be able to stay home with you. I hope that even the pieces of me that are scared I'll be a bad mamma and get too frustrated with you if I am home all day....that God takes those away. That he would change my heart to love you forever. To raise you up with your daddy to love Jesus. To know him and make all decisions in your life based off of his loving guidance. That you would be obedient to him even when it hurts. That you would know we are proud of you! That we love you so much! I can't wait for you to meet your daddy and I someday....your daddy is such an amazing man. I am so blessed to be able to call him my husband. Until God says its time for you to come....I'll continue praying for his timing. To know that you were completely his plan from the beginning!