When You Don't Agree With Your Husband...

Photo credit: themoneycouple.com

I have to say, the bible has some pretty black and white truth on wives and our actions towards our husbands.  Most of it does not come as an easy pill to swallow, but just because its hard to hear doesn't mean we get to ignore it.  Just because it hurts to do doesn't mean that it isn't sin when we choose not to do it.

Ephesians 5:22 says 

"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord."

Ephesians 5:24 says

"Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

It shouldn't be too hard right?  Say your husband asks you to run his dry cleaning in for him on your day off.  Your response:  "No problem!  I can do that for you!"  (Wow!  Such enthusiasm!)  You think to yourself....submission..check!  I can totally do this!  It's a piece of cake!  Not so fast. What about when it gets hard?  What about when he asks you to respect his leadership in your home on an issue that you disagree with him on?  What if its something you feel passionately about then you should dig your heels in right?  Wrong.

1 Peter 3:1 says

"Likewise wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives."

Now most of us here who are married probably have husbands who are believers, but if you are a wife whose husband is not a believer and you are, take heart dear friend.  Would you cling tightly to God's word and trust Him even in this?  Even when its hard to see that He really does has a plan in it?  Would you keep praying for your own heart to love your husband unconditionally.  That God would continue to mold you into the wife He wants you to be and that your husband would come to salvation?

If you are a single woman, or in a dating relationship please do not forget that God's word speaks clearly about pursuing a romantic relationship with nonbelievers:

2 Corinthians 6:14 says

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.  For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?  Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"

Maybe you both were married as nonbelievers and now you are a Christian, but your husband is not?  Now what do you do?  Whether our husband is a believer or not, we will rub up against conflict in our marriages.  We will disagree at times.  We will say things we shouldn't.  But ladies what is most important in these moments is not that we get our own way it's that we obey God's word and how he says we must respond to our husbands authority in our homes.  With submission.  With respect.  With trust.

Your heart maybe yelling "But what if I am not sure I can trust his decision making abilities right now?"  Dear friend if your husband isn't asking you to outright sin with what he is asking you to submit to then you still must submit.

If your husband is asking you to do wrongful things like breaking laws, hurting someone else, stealing, etc then I recommend you seek help from a trusted authority, but for most of us this won't be the case.  What most of our husbands ask us on a regular basis is to respect them, trust them, submit to them and to keep on doing those things even when they do make a poor decision.

Here are a couple of common scenarios:

If your husband asks you to work to help provide for your family in a hard time then you do it.  Even if you want to stay home full time with your children, trust him.  You can still talk about your desires and tell him that you really would like to stay home if you can, and then try to work together to come with a plan that works for you both.

or say...

your husband wants to buy a brand new car with all the bells and whistles and you want to buy the frugal car with close to 100,000 miles that gets good gas mileage.  You can still discuss both options together.  Tell him (in a respectful way) why you are concerned about buying a brand new car, that it might stretch your budget too much, that you don't want to be in debt, etc.

Here are a few recommendations that I have in regards to handling issues that you disagree with your husband on, and to be quite honest I fail at these more often than not, but God's word still remains unchanged whether I want to do this or not....I, as a wife must submit to my husbands authority:

1. Have open minded discussions with your spouse on issues you disagree about.  Have you ever thought that you might be over analyzing what your spouse is really saying and that you actually might really agree with him you just heard what he said in a way he didn't really mean it?
2. Pray together about decisions.
3. Ultimately step back, let go of your control freak and trust the choice your man makes.  Even if you disagree with it.  That's where it should stop....keep it in your head and go to God.  Pray about it.  Ask God to help you see his plan in it and pray to change your own heart to trust your husband further in this, not for God to change your husband's heart.
4. When you mess up and get  upset with your spouse, say something you don't mean, or disrespect them, repent for it and apologize, and just keep praying for God to change your heart to be a better wife.  That you would choose the bible's way of being a Godly wife and let God give you the strength to do so instead of trusting your own failing strength time and time again.

Ladies please remember that I don't have it all together....at all!  I laughed to myself a bit when I felt like God wanted me to write this.  Really God?  Me?  I deserve a big fat F on my report card when it comes to respecting my husband sometimes.  I even read this to my husband before I posted it to make sure I am being biblical and that I am not being too hypocritical since he of all people should know how often I fall short.  Truth is...we all fall short.  God asks us to come to Him as we are.  Broken and bruised and no matter how many times you fall short....lift your eyes upward and let His mercy and grace heal you and bring you hope that we really can be the wives He has called us to be.

Blessings,

Being Real

As I spent sometime praying last week about this blog and what God wanted for it I felt him clearly tell me one thing:

Be Real.  

"Be real in what God?"  I asked.  "Just be real, authentic, you."  Was the reply.

It really got me thinking.  Thinking about how often I try to be perfect.  Thinking how much I strive for structure and order in my life and how that it isn't bad but it can become an idol.  It got me thinking about how I present myself to you.  I give you some of my real.  My real that I want to share, but what about the real I never share?  The me that struggles just like you?  The me that has clutter, piles of dishes, unfolded laundry, and windows in her house that (I can't believe I'm about to say this...) have never been washed since we moved in over 3 years ago.  The me that fails to submit and respect my husband as I should more often than I'd like to admit.  The me that sometimes wants to hide in the bathroom away from my toddler just for a few moments to help maintain my sanity.  I'm just like you.  An imperfect sinner. 

What about you?  Are you really being real?  Are you so focused on achieving perfectionism that you really aren't authentic at all?  Do your friendships run deep or just surface level?  I challenge you today friend to let them see the most wounded, sinful parts of your heart.  Let them in and experience God's healing.   God calls us to let go of the idol that we've made perfectionism into.  I cannot promise that the healing won't come without pain, but I do know that God will bless you in your realness.  He wants all of us.  Not just the surface level parts of us.

And so I give you one of my first reals.  I want you to know how imperfect I am.  I want you to see that my home isn't always in order.  And over time I want you to see more of "my real," but first let's start small....

A photograph of our desk

We live in a small home and so the room you come into when you first enter our home is a sitting room office combo.  Our TV in the room also is our desktop computer.  The desk honestly becomes our catch all and I find myself looking at a messy desk more often than a clean one.  To be honest....I am more guilty of this than Dave and I know it drives him crazy.  

I'm not sure if you can tell this or not, but on the right hand side is a pile of books and papers including library books, bible, random things from the mail, an envelope with work expense receipts in it, a ruler, a box of bags to dispose of diapers in, and yes that is a tipped over bowl of cheerios complete with stale cheerios from the toddler. The right hand side contains a package from Shutterfly with our Christmas cards in them, random paper wads that need to be thrown in the garbage, half empty bottle of water, bills, coffee cup with day old coffee, a bottle of scented handwash that Abbie gave me for my birthday, and a bowl that Dave set there from his lunch at work (luckily its washed :)  

My life has a lot of clutter friends.  From parts of my home to parts of my character that still have sin laced into its cracks.

Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

There is a lot to work on, but by grace I am saved.  By grace my God gives me the freedom to know that He loves me regardless of my shortcomings.  I try to manage my home, live a marriage, be a mom who is honoring to God, but I will always fall short for Jesus was and is the only one who truly ever will be perfect. 

Phillipians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

 I believe we are called to do these things well as Christians   We are called to do our best at the roles he has called us to, but we must remember one thing, it is through his strength that we are able.   Never our own.  My marriage works only when I entrust it to God and his strength to daily lift it up to Him.  My home runs well when I allow Him to lead my day.  I can be the best mama I can be only when my strength comes from God alone.  And when you are tired of the race dear friends, when you don't think you can go on, when you want to throw in the towel, never forget God is able and He wants you to bring your cares to Him:

Matthew 11:28-30 says "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I give you my imperfect because friends I never want you to feel like my home management tips, DIY posts, I'm married to a chef style recipes, are the expectations you should achieve in your own home.  No friends, Christ calls us to unique things for each of our families.  No family quite looks the same.  What I desire most for your heart as well as my own is that we would be the best women, wives, mothers, friends...whatever God calls us to...and do that with our whole being.  My desire is to help you along in your efforts.  To point you to the cross.  To give you a few tips and some advice in the process.  To provide a place of encouragement and community in your walk with Him and my deepest desire is to know that someday at the end of this life that you would be greeted at the gates of heaven by our Father Himself saying"Well done good and faithful servant."(Matthew 25:21)

Blessings,

Intentional Marriages: Date Night

Dave and I were recently discussing our date nights....wait a minute?  What date nights?  Oh they happened every now and again but most date nights were really just us laying on the couch watching reruns of our favorite TV show on Netflix   This isn't bad, but I can't say it was really us being intentional on nurturing our marriage.  Every couple is different so please don't think that our recipe is the recipe for everyone but I do encourage you to discuss and pray with your spouse on specifics for your marriage?  What do you need to do to connect with one another on a regular basis?  What would help you grow more closely together?  For us we decided that we wanted a Friday Night Date Night.  Now we have a small child so how does that work?  Well we are blessed to have a pair of grandparents down the street, and in other times of our marriage we have swapped date nights with people in our small group which worked out great also.  Oh and you also have to remember...I didn't say every Friday night would be spent on a date outside of our home....nope!  We decided we wanted to have 2 date nights outside of the home a month and 2 date nights in (if we can swing it but at least one date outside of the home!).  Abbie goes to bed at 7 so that means we can have our own date night after she goes to bed even when we are home!  So for last Fridays Date Night we chose to build a fire in the fireplace, treat ourselves to some French Press coffee and play chess (new secret about me I'm kind of a nerd at heart or maybe my husband turned me into one....before him I'd never even watched Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

Two opposing sides:  I will say I was white (the more angelic of the two of us...ha!)

I proudly can say that I won.  That rarely happens.  Dave typically is pretty good at chess!  

Our date was delightful and fun and intentional, and so needed.  

Would you join us friends?  Would you challenge yourselves to pray together about what being intentional in your own marriages means and then do it?

Dating after having children is especially hard and you just have to make it a priority.  Our marriages are so important, even more important than being a mother or father to our child...so we must keep it a priority.  

So now....go pray!   And please share with the rest of us what you and your spouse decide, cause I'm sure it could be an encouragement to so many others!

Do you have any favorite date night ideas for in your home or outside of your home??

Blessings,

6 years!!!

Just a few weeks ago on  July 8th, 2012 Dave and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.  To some 6 doesn't sound like a lot.  To others it sounds like an eternity, but to me, to me I stand back in awe at how fast the time has gone by.  How much has been accomplished.  How many mistakes were made.  The joys, and the sorrows that 6 years can bring, and I just feel incrediblely blessed to know that Dave chose me to spend His life with.  That God brought us together in the way that He did for His glory.  I pray that the next 6 years, and hopefully the next 60-70 years will be spent doing just that....glorifying God in all that we do.  Thank you Jesus for what a blessing this man is in my life and so many others!!

July 8th, 2006

July 2012

                

To celebrate we had a night out to ourselves, baby in tow to grandma and grandpa's to have a slumber party, while we went out and had the most relaxing time I think we have had since Abbie was born.  No baby, no food thrown on the floor, no focusing on meeting the ever pressing needs of a toddler, just me, my hubby some amazing food and a bottle of wine (of which I think I had too much of so I had to stop :)  Since Abbie's birth I feel like all we've done is worry about the bills getting paid, and her needs...finally we just stopped, relaxed, and treated ourselves.  Neither one of us cared what the bill was.  Not that I recommend doing that very often, but it was nice to just enjoy each others company without life stresses!  We rarely ever order an appetizer or dessert, let alone a bottle of wine, and we let ourselves have all of the above.  Calamari, Dave had a rack of lamb, I had an amazing white fish called Doversole that was encrusted with almonds and pecans and garnished with a roasted red pepper sauce, our wine paired perfectly and for dessert....well I had to have the carrot cake...it was part of Dave's proposal to me, but he didn't want it...no the chef wanted creme brulee...go figure :)  But you know what...I enjoyed my piece of cake to its entirety...no sense wasting a perfectly good piece of carrot cake on someone who is lusting after creme brulee :) Afterwards we walked through our downtown cause we were so stuffed and needed to walk a little bit in order to not just roll onto the couch when we got home.  Then we went home and watched Lost....our current show of choice that we always watch together.  We are trying to make it through all the seasons.  At the rate we are going it will probably be our 25th anniversary before we finish them all.
In all it was a wonderful anniversary spent exactly the way we like to....with each other, just being us, and that makes it just perfect!