When You Don't Agree With Your Husband...

Photo credit: themoneycouple.com

I have to say, the bible has some pretty black and white truth on wives and our actions towards our husbands.  Most of it does not come as an easy pill to swallow, but just because its hard to hear doesn't mean we get to ignore it.  Just because it hurts to do doesn't mean that it isn't sin when we choose not to do it.

Ephesians 5:22 says 

"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord."

Ephesians 5:24 says

"Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

It shouldn't be too hard right?  Say your husband asks you to run his dry cleaning in for him on your day off.  Your response:  "No problem!  I can do that for you!"  (Wow!  Such enthusiasm!)  You think to yourself....submission..check!  I can totally do this!  It's a piece of cake!  Not so fast. What about when it gets hard?  What about when he asks you to respect his leadership in your home on an issue that you disagree with him on?  What if its something you feel passionately about then you should dig your heels in right?  Wrong.

1 Peter 3:1 says

"Likewise wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives."

Now most of us here who are married probably have husbands who are believers, but if you are a wife whose husband is not a believer and you are, take heart dear friend.  Would you cling tightly to God's word and trust Him even in this?  Even when its hard to see that He really does has a plan in it?  Would you keep praying for your own heart to love your husband unconditionally.  That God would continue to mold you into the wife He wants you to be and that your husband would come to salvation?

If you are a single woman, or in a dating relationship please do not forget that God's word speaks clearly about pursuing a romantic relationship with nonbelievers:

2 Corinthians 6:14 says

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.  For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?  Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"

Maybe you both were married as nonbelievers and now you are a Christian, but your husband is not?  Now what do you do?  Whether our husband is a believer or not, we will rub up against conflict in our marriages.  We will disagree at times.  We will say things we shouldn't.  But ladies what is most important in these moments is not that we get our own way it's that we obey God's word and how he says we must respond to our husbands authority in our homes.  With submission.  With respect.  With trust.

Your heart maybe yelling "But what if I am not sure I can trust his decision making abilities right now?"  Dear friend if your husband isn't asking you to outright sin with what he is asking you to submit to then you still must submit.

If your husband is asking you to do wrongful things like breaking laws, hurting someone else, stealing, etc then I recommend you seek help from a trusted authority, but for most of us this won't be the case.  What most of our husbands ask us on a regular basis is to respect them, trust them, submit to them and to keep on doing those things even when they do make a poor decision.

Here are a couple of common scenarios:

If your husband asks you to work to help provide for your family in a hard time then you do it.  Even if you want to stay home full time with your children, trust him.  You can still talk about your desires and tell him that you really would like to stay home if you can, and then try to work together to come with a plan that works for you both.

or say...

your husband wants to buy a brand new car with all the bells and whistles and you want to buy the frugal car with close to 100,000 miles that gets good gas mileage.  You can still discuss both options together.  Tell him (in a respectful way) why you are concerned about buying a brand new car, that it might stretch your budget too much, that you don't want to be in debt, etc.

Here are a few recommendations that I have in regards to handling issues that you disagree with your husband on, and to be quite honest I fail at these more often than not, but God's word still remains unchanged whether I want to do this or not....I, as a wife must submit to my husbands authority:

1. Have open minded discussions with your spouse on issues you disagree about.  Have you ever thought that you might be over analyzing what your spouse is really saying and that you actually might really agree with him you just heard what he said in a way he didn't really mean it?
2. Pray together about decisions.
3. Ultimately step back, let go of your control freak and trust the choice your man makes.  Even if you disagree with it.  That's where it should stop....keep it in your head and go to God.  Pray about it.  Ask God to help you see his plan in it and pray to change your own heart to trust your husband further in this, not for God to change your husband's heart.
4. When you mess up and get  upset with your spouse, say something you don't mean, or disrespect them, repent for it and apologize, and just keep praying for God to change your heart to be a better wife.  That you would choose the bible's way of being a Godly wife and let God give you the strength to do so instead of trusting your own failing strength time and time again.

Ladies please remember that I don't have it all together....at all!  I laughed to myself a bit when I felt like God wanted me to write this.  Really God?  Me?  I deserve a big fat F on my report card when it comes to respecting my husband sometimes.  I even read this to my husband before I posted it to make sure I am being biblical and that I am not being too hypocritical since he of all people should know how often I fall short.  Truth is...we all fall short.  God asks us to come to Him as we are.  Broken and bruised and no matter how many times you fall short....lift your eyes upward and let His mercy and grace heal you and bring you hope that we really can be the wives He has called us to be.

Blessings,