Bring Him Home...

Today I have a special treat...my dear friend Christi is sharing a bit of her heart on how hard adoption can be, but also what a blessing adopting has been for her family!  

Are you in the process of adopting?  Have you adopted before?  Maybe it's something you aren't quite sure about, but know somewhere down deep there is a flicker of intrigue in your soul that yearns to wonder if God would someday ask you to adopt?  

Join me today friends as she shares a bit of her heart....

"I remember the day that we sat and talked about whether or not we could love a child that had not come from my womb... I remember the day I left Guatemala with my heart broken in PIECES as we prayed to adopt 2 sweet girls that we could not... I remember the day your daddy finally realized that he indeed, could love a child not from my womb... after all Jesus loves us and daddy and I love each other... we aren't blood sweet boy, but LOVE covers a multitude! 

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? While we were adopting our first son, I wrote this post and addressed a lot of those fearful adoption questions.

And here we are... 2 years after bringing our sweet Malakai Aweke home from Ethiopia... a day I'll NEVER forget just a few weeks later we found out we were going to have another child, your baby sister, Finley. When Finley was 3 months old, in obedience to the Lord, we moved all the way to Guatemala... and again, the Lord said HE had another child for us.... and we found YOU sweet boy!!

"I was lost in those BEAUTIFUL, deep brown eyes... 
I studied every curl on his little head... 
every little chubby finger... 
every stain on his dirty clothes... 
and I wondered... 
could he be ours?"

Waiting for you has been difficult at times... it's really not right. If you think about the fallen, sinful world that we live in, it makes total sense. However, I don't believe the Lord intended for children to be orphans... for poverty and disease to run rampant... or for children to spend months, sometimes years in orphanages waiting for a family. 

It's a unique place to be.... to love a child so much that you barely know... to not have the comfort of him being in your womb and controlling what he eats, what he experiences, what he feels... to not know IF your child is getting enough to eat or WHO is feeding him.... to not know if your child wakes up crying at night of IF anyone comforts him when he does... these are things no child or parent should experience! 

You, sweet child, are SUCH a blessing from the Lord! We love you so much and will do our best to raise you up in the ways of the Lord. You are loved by SO many and they are all anticipating your arrival. We anticipate no lack of love in your life! 

As I walk by your room each night on the way to ours, I can't help but peek in your crib, close my eyes, and dream of the day that you are in that crib. I think you're going to get sick of mommy staring at you all the time while you sleep! I promise I'll be really quiet when I sneak out of bed and over to your crib each night and I'm sure that daddy will find me sleeping on the floor next to your crib more than once! :) Feel free to wake up during the night... just so I can stare in those beautiful eyes and hold your sweet hands.

I wish I could put into words the miracle you are! You see, God knew your name before the creation of the world. Only He knows the plans for your life... and we are SO humbled that God would call us to be your mommy and daddy and for the way that He has shown us His love in this journey. You've changed so many hearts all ready and I can't wait to see you shine for Jesus! "

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Christi and her husband Dan are currently serving alongside their two children as missionaries at an orphanage in Guatamala.  They are both dear friends of ours.  Their sweet boy pictured above is still waiting to come home to be a part of his forever family and finally have someone to call mom and dad.  Their family is still in need of almost $4000 to bring him home and he is in need of some medical treatment as soon as they are able to bring him home.  The faster they get him home the better!

If you feel so led to do so, you can make a tax-deductible donation here.  Would you consider hosting a garage sale and donating proceeds to their family?  Or maybe a bake sale?  A youth group carwash?  Or share this story on your Facebook by clicking one of the icons below so others can hear their story.  Whatever it is, every dollar, and every person you share this with counts to bring their sweet boy Titus home for good! 

Anatomy of a Time Out and Some Parenting Resources

Photo Credit: babycalm.wordpress.com

Last week we discussed how we do toddler discipline here in our home.  You can read that post here.  I'm sure most of you know by now that parenting is an ever evolving, always changing by the moment, never quite the same with each kid challenge.

One day you try one thing and the next something else.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Today I want to share with you how we do timeouts.

Anatomy of a Time Out:

1.  Set clear guidelines for your child on what will happen when a boundary is crossed.

Example:  "Abbie we are going to go take a bath now.  Mommy is going to go into the bathroom and run your bath water.  Please come with me so we can get you ready for your bath."  (Sometimes this is followed by willingness, and others by whining and crying and tantrums).  If her response is whining and crying.  I would then set a clear boundary.  "Abbie we don't get our way by crying and whining.  If you do not choose to be obedient and go into the bathroom so we can get you ready to take a bath, then you are going to have to have a time out."  I say all this without raising my voice, without yelling, without being irritated...I just point out that she can choose to not have a time out or she can choose to have one.

*I do want to point out that sometimes I mess up and get irritated and raise my voice...just wanted to remind you that discipline in my home isn't perfect :) 

2.  Follow through once the boundary is set.

Example:  Same as above scenario- If Abbie continued to cry and whine there wouldn't be any counting to 3 or threatening again, the result would be immediate action.  I give her a small pause to respond.  (Now that she knows we will follow through she responds more quickly.  If we didn't respond quickly there would be no reason for her to make the choice more quickly).  If she doesn't respond to obedience within the pause and continues to whine and cry I would immediately put her into a timeout.  Rule of thumb that I've heard is 1 minute per year so I give her a 2 minute timeout since she is 2 years old.  Again I set those parameters...I tell her she will be in a timeout for 2 minutes.  She may whine and cry and carry on throughout this, often times she hasn't quite settled down to complete quiet within 2 minutes but her behavior is much improved and she is ready to talk about things.  We then talk about the choice she chose and why she had a time out, and what she could do differently next time to avoid a time out.  There are hugs, kisses, I'm sorry's and all is forgotten.  We move on.  We go to the bathroom and take a bath and she is fine.  No grudges, no anger, no yelling.

It surprises me how much she understand at this age.  The other day I asked her a question about something that had happened earlier in the day and if she knew why she had a timeout.  She answered me with what she needed to do next time to not get a timeout.  I was amazed.  She is 2....they understand so much more than we give them credit for!

Here is a list of a few parenting resources that either I myself have found helpful or others have found helpful:


Helpful Parenting Resources for Christian Homes:

1.  Dare to Discipline- By Dr. James Dobson

2.  Any of the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo

3.  Shepherding a Child's Heart- By Tedd Tripp

4.  Love and Logic- By Foster Cline

5.  The 5 Love Languages of Children- Gary Chapman

and last but not least.....
6.  THE BIBLE!- No matter what "amazing" parenting advice/resource someone gives to you, you should always make sure it lines up with scripture.  

There are many different ways to do things as a parent and some options are very wrong, but often times there is more than one right way.  Pray about what is best for your family and let God lead your heart in leading your children.  For example- I love the "Wise" books by Gary Ezzo, but I've found its 50:50 in the parenting world those who love them and those who hate them.  I followed the guidelines in these books about 50-60% of the time.  Somethings didn't work for us, but many of them did.  I have to remember that the next child we have may need different things than Abbie as well.  I also have heard a million good things about the Love and Logic books.  I recently started reading them and like MOST of the concepts, but there were a few things that bothered me...that's fine.  I can use what I like and I don't have to use what I don't like.  

What about you?  What are your favorite parenting resources? 

Blessings,

Selling Your House While Still Living Your Life

It's no secret to you all that we are trying to sell our house right now.  When we first found out Dave accepted a job offer, I immediately went into overdrive in getting the house ready as fast as possible to get it on the market.  I'm not going to lie.  Selling a house can be a really emotional experience.  It's been something that can easily cause me a lot of anxiety if I don't continue to give up control to God and trust Him with the timing of our house selling.  That being said I feel like we are finally in a groove, and though it can seem overwhelming at times, and if I focus too far forward on the future I start to get overwhelmed by thoughts of "will our house ever sell?" God has taught me a lot in the process and I wanted to share a few tips for any of you who are in the process of moving, or who will need some help with selling a home in the future!

So without further ado I give you....

How To Sell  Your House and Still Live Your Life

1.  Ask for help-  This is huge for me!  Especially since during the week I am a single mom.  When Dave was going to school full time and working full time last year I bucked up and did everything myself.  Never asking for help and only taking it if someone offered it to me.  Though me being me...I pretended I was fine and plastered a smile on my face.  To be honest during that season I was anything but fine.  Before Dave left for his first day of work at his new job in May he told me "You need to spend time with your friends.  You are going to be by yourself with a toddler and are going to go crazy so make coffee dates with friends.  Do things with other people.  You need to!"  He couldn't have been more right!  I have been so blessed by people in this season: offering to watch Abbie, bringing me Starbucks, asking me to go on lunch dates on my work days, inviting us over for supper, watching our dog, etc.  My father in law has even been diligently sprucing up things around the house and mowing our lawn as needed while Dave is gone.

2.  Declutter toys-  This one has been so hard for me.  I just want Abbie to be a kid, but I can't have a million toys out now since we could have showings at anytime.  Plus one of the things they are pretty adamant about when putting your house on the market is encouraging you to get rid of toys and clutter.  I put many of Abbie's toys in storage, and for the ones left I have them hidden in cute storage so they aren't an eye sore for people touring our home.  We do the best we can with the season of life we are in, but I am so thankful for friends and family that allow us to come to their homes and let Abbie play to her toddler hearts content.  In all honesty sometimes I go to Dave's parents house with her just cause I know she can get out whatever she wants, can play as long as she likes, and then we can clean it up before we leave.  I also try to stay out of the house more on my days off.  Being there is a source of stress for me right now and when I am home it's hard not to just have fun with Abbie cause I am so focused on keeping the house ready for show.  It makes my heart hurt.  So in order to spend quality time with her we go out a lot- the park, playground, splash park, zoo, museum, walks....when we are not at home I can enjoy time with her so much more and we both need that right now.  

3.  Learn the art of surface cleaning- Because my house is clean  most of the time now I don't have to deep clean nearly as much.  I clean the surface as needed.  I can dust quickly using a wool duster to quickly get up what is visually dusty.  I have Clorox wipes handy in the bathroom cupboard for quick wipe downs.  I run the cordless vacuum more regularly to pick up toddler crumbs, and then vacuum and mop the entire house as needed when I notice it needs it.  Keeping up on this on a regular basis actually has cut down my cleaning time...weird.  I don't want my house to look like kids don't live there once we sell it, but in the future I am thinking there is some validity to this regular cleaning in small intervals thing.  It's much easier than letting it go and deep cleaning on a regular basis.

4.  Make a checklist-  Each night I have a regimen of getting things ready for the next day (if the next day is a workday), and cleaning up around the house.  Before I leave each day for work I make sure all surfaces are clean, all things are picked up, blinds are open, lights are on, and the air is on a suitable temperature in case a showing happens in the afternoon.  Basically I leave my home show ready 247 whenever I am leaving the house for an extended period of time.  This allows for no anxiety when a Realtor calls wanting to show it to a client, because everything is always ready for them when they call.  I'm not going to lie...I don't want to see our electric bill right now, but to us that is a small price to pay when it means we are more readily able to show our home at a moments notice.  Added bonus- I am a vet tech so a HUGE blessing....my dog comes to work with me :)

5.  Eat simply-  For as much as I love to make homemade nutritious meals for my family this new season of life has forced me to give myself grace and you know what?  Grace is refreshing.  It's teaching me that I don't have to have a homemade meal every night, and I can still find ways to feed my family nutritious choices most of the time.  It's also  helping me to be ok with a premade meal and eating out sometimes.  The most important goal is: we need to eat, and as the mom...I don't need to beat myself up if this isn't homemade every night!  I try to cook in bulk right now as much as I can and we eat a lot of things that are good as leftovers because of it.  This means less clean up after meal prep and cooking since I do it less = less work and a cleaner kitchen!  We also eat simple things like hummus and veggies, cheese and crackers with fruit, etc.  The simpler the better!

6.  Pray-  This one is most important.  Ultimately I have to trust God with the sale of our home and His timing.  In all honesty, He is in control of all things, and if He wanted our home sold right now it already would be.  I know He's teaching us so much in this.  I must learn to be content in all things and glorify God no matter what season He has me in.  This is hard to do, but it's a must.  When I start to get worried or anxious I can go to Him and my heart calms once again, and the anxiety lessens.  He may not take away the problem but He changes my perspective.  All the sudden a burden becomes a blessing, and we are so very blessed.  

Have you ever sold a home?  What tips do you have to share that helped you keep your sanity in the process?

Blessings,

Toddler Discipline

Click photo for credit

Around 18-20 months of age we started experimenting with discipline with Abbie.  Some may say this is a little young, other moms are out there nodding their heads in approval.  So agree or disagree...this is the time we felt we needed to start.

I have to admit though many of my friends would look at my parenting style and say I've been pretty regimented about most things (and I have...for the most part) however, discipline really scared me.  I love my parents dearly, but I knew my parenting style was much different then theirs.  Disciplining my own child scared me because spanking was done out of anger in my home growing up, and we never talked about things afterwards.  I didn't want this for my own family nor did Dave.  To be honest as we started experimenting with discipline for Abbie I held back a lot in fear.  Under disciplined....which can be just as bad as over discipline.  Dave was very black and white on the issue and over the last few months has helped me to change my perspective to not taking Abbie's offenses personally, but instead choosing a disciplinary action for what the misbehavior was at face value and not attaching my mom guilt and emotion to it.

In the beginning we tried timeouts on our lap.  She was too little to understand that a timeout meant she needed to sit in one spot for a few minutes so I held her in a timeout on my lap.  Firm arms, forced lap sits.  She hated it.  She grew used to it really quickly though, and then it no longer phased her.  She would be put in a lapsit timeout for misbehaving and come sit in my lap and say "I'm sorry mama" in order to be allowed to get up quickly, and I could tell...no lesson was being learned.  We tried spankings....a quick, light swat to the bottom/thigh  and we would talk about what happened, how we could make wise choices next time, say I'm sorry and give lots of hugs and kisses.  This worked....for a little while but not long.  Finally, I told Dave that I didn't mind spankings.  I wasn't doing them in anger and I wasn't giving them hard but I just felt that for as often as a toddler misbehaves I can't just give her a spanking for every single thing she does.  There is a time and a place but I felt like spankings should be reserved for larger problems and bigger issues, not just a child who didn't pick up their toys when they were told to.  So I stopped spanking, and instead we went to time outs.

We expect immediate obedience in our home....again something that some people may think is harsh, but for Dave and I, we are huge fans of this method.  We absolutely refuse to count to 3.  We refuse to count to 2 and 3/4.  There aren't going to be 10 times of 5 more minutes....if we ask you to do something and you don't obey the first time there will be consequences, and you know what.  Kids learn fast!  Even a  young 2 year old is capable of learning expectations.  They really are much smarter than we give them credit for!  In the beginning I struggled with this.  When we started this concept at a young age I knew I needed to have lower expectations so I would give a long pause after stating an action I was requiring Abbie to take in order to give her a chance to respond.  If after the long pause had passed and no action on her part had occurred then I would step in.  Overtime the pause got shorter and now at 26 months old....the pause I now get from Abbie is intentional.  It's her way of testing her mama pause....she doesn't say it but I can hear her thinking it "How much longer can I do the thing I want to do by pretending like I didn't hear mom?"  They are sneaky!  They are so much smarter at 2 years old and even 8 months old then I would have ever given them credit for!  So with that in mind...the pause I give her to respond hardly exists now.  She knows.  She really knows, and when she doesn't listen she goes in a timeout.  No counting no yelling from us as parents.  We tell her that she is getting a time out for choosing not to listen and place her into the timeout.  Another example could be the toy that she failed to pick up will get put up for a period of time (I haven't used this one yet but I foresee it in the near future :)  Like I said we expect immediate obedience.

Now to those who think this way sounds harsh.  I understand your concern.  I really do, but I think there are ways to do all types of parenting wrong and right.

First of all it is and always has been Dave and I's goal and focus in our parenting from the day we brought Abbie home from the hospital to raise an independent God fearing woman.  To remind ourselves in our own moments of weakness when we want to hover, coddle, over parent that someday we will need to allow her to stand on her own two feet and send her out into the world just her and God, and for us that started on Day 1.

Second, just because we expect obedience doesn't mean we are constantly barking orders at our child.  We have lots of fun with Abbie!  We play toys with her, takes lots of walks, go to the playground and play on the equipment with her, sit outside on the patio and play dolls, tea party, sidewalk chalk, color, cook and bake, sing songs, play games, read, etc.  She loves spending time with us, and we with her.  I have no doubt in my mind that she is a well adjusted, smart, and well attached child to both of us.  We have a good balanced relationship with her which means we aren't always barking orders at her- sometimes we are just having fun, running around the house playing tag.  This helps build our relationship with her and increases our bonding with her, and the pill is not as hard to swallow for the kid who is given a task by his parents to do who spent plenty of quality time with them earlier in the day.  The kid who feels rejected and unloved with parents who don't spend much quality time with him may act out and be more disobedient just because he wants his parents attention....yelling is attention albeit negative attention, but still attention for the child who doesn't get much quality time and affection from his parents.

Third,  we aren't always right.  Months ago I had to apologize to Abbie for the first time, which has become the first time of more times, and I have no doubt in my mind that I will have to do this often for the rest of my life.  Why?  Because I am human.  I sin.  I lose my temper.  I'm not perfect, and I do need to be responsible for my own actions.  She needs to hear me say I am sorry just like I expect of her to say I am sorry when she doesn't listen and obey.  She needs to see me at my strongest and my weakest to know that it's ok to not be perfect.

So if toddler discipline isn't going so well in your house and you feel exasperated on a daily basis, give it a try.  Expect obedience the first time and follow through.  That is one of the most important parts...follow through on the consequences you have named for them....and don't forget the most important part....why do we discipline, teach, and guide our children in the first place?

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 12:11

We discipline because we love them.  Just like God disciplines because He loves us...

"...do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son."

Hebrews 12:6

God's grown me in more ways than I could ever count since becoming a mom.  Parenting is hard stuff.  At times the antics of our children leave us stifling our laughter and turning our backs to hide our smiles...other times we are brought to our knees in tears at the hardness that parenting is.  Even still I count this as a blessing because each tear brings me one step closer to changing my heart to look like His.

Join me next week as I discuss the anatomy of a timeout, and share some parenting resources that I've found helpful!

Blessings,

DIY Homemade Grout Cleaner

I should have done it sooner.  Really I should have.  What?  Cleaned the grout on my tile floors!  To be honest, being a first time home owner in the last 4 years, and growing up in a home with no tile floors....I just mopped them on a regular basis to keep them clean and thought we were good to go.  It wasn't like anyone walked into my house and gasped in disgust that my grout wasn't as white as white out.  When our Realtor first came into our home to evaluate he was pretty pleased with how show ready our home already was.  He mentioned a few things while there that if we start to have trouble selling that we could change, but for now he thought it showed really nicely.  One of those "things" that he mentioned was that he knew a guy who would clean the grout on our tile floor and it would look brand new.  To be honest...that was the first time it ever occurred to me to clean the grout.  

Gasp?!  You...Bridget?!  Not know that??  Well that's what I feel like ya'll are thinking right now, but give me a moment....ok I am over it.  Judge me or not....I really didn't know! 

Last week after having 15-20 showings, 1 second showing, and no offers since we put our home on the market....we decided we must be priced too high for the market so we dropped the price on our house and offered a carpet allowance to the new buyer to basically replace the carpet for free in whatever color and style they choose.  

This of course sent us both into freak out mode with thoughts of changing a million things with the million dollars we don't have in order to get our home to sell.  I settled on doing the one thing I could do by spending 0 dollars....cleaning the grout :)  

And let me tell you....if you are a newbie to grout cleaning like I, it is potentially the most gratifying household chore I have ever done.  My floors looked so pretty!  I was like a little girl staring at herself in a princess costume in front of a mirror....I kept running to the other room to ask Dave to come look at how awesome the floors looked :) 

Here is a picture of my kitchen floor

BEFORE

Here is a picture of the kitchen floor half way through...

And wow!  I was absolutely amazed at the difference it made!

AFTER

Impressed?  I sure was!  

Here is the recipe I used:

Homemade Grout Cleaner

Ingredients:

3/4 cup baking soda

1/4 cup bleach

Old toothbrush

1.  Mix baking soda and bleach together.  I ended up adding more bleach to this recipe to make it a thinner gruel consistency. 

2.  Using an old toothbrush spread the mixture onto your grout in a hidden corner of your tile floor (I scrubbed back and forth about 10 times to get the grout to appear white and new).  Let sit after scrubbing for 5-10 minutes before rinsing.

3.  Rinse well with warm water and old rag.  Make sure this isn't discoloring your floor before proceeding on.  

4.  Once you are sure there is no discoloration proceed on to the rest of the grout.  I ended up doing about 4-6 tiles at a time so that I could let the grout sit for 5-10 minutes on each one and then I would go back and rinse the 4-6 tiles before starting a new section.  This worked well and kept the process moving.  

6.  Stand back in awe and admire your handiwork!  

*My whole kitchen floor took about 2 hours (our kitchen measures 11 x 15).

*Depending on the size of your floor you may need to mix up more solution.

What are some of your favorite homemade cleaning recipes?  Come share your thoughts today on Full Heart Full Home's Facebook page.  Over the years I've found most of them do a fantastic job and I prefer most homemade cleaners to commercial cleaners.

Blessings,

Somehow I Missed It....

Somehow I missed it.  Somewhere in between another pair of underwear left on the floor, shoes left out of their place another time, and my own efforts going under appreciated as I washed another load of laundry...I missed it.  

Years ago I skimmed through a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.   It really is a great book!  It talks about how as humans we have different personality types that desire different things.  The 5 love languages are:  Physical Touch (those who love hugs, kisses, hand holding, etc), Acts of Service (those who best feel loved when others help them do things- around the house, etc), Words of Affirmation (those who feel loved when someone tells them so or verbally affirms their efforts in doing something), Quality Time (those who feel loved when another spends time with them one on one), and Gifts (those who feel loved when others give them things- doesn't have to be expensive could be a flower picked in a garden, etc).  

That is just a very basic summary but you get the idea.  Well I am a mixture of a person who needs words of affirmation and quality time to feel loved, and Dave is a person who needs physical touch and acts of service to feel loved.  Have I lost you yet?  I hope not but if so this basically means that I feel closest and most loved by Dave when he takes time to sit down and chat with me uninterrupted and also notices things I do and verbalizes his appreciation of them.  For Dave's love languages he likes being kissed, hugged, etc, and likes it when I do things for him like picking up his dry cleaning or running an errand for him or doing something on his to do list for him.  

The goal in this book is to help us open our eyes up to other people's personalities in the relationships we are you in.  I have also found this helpful in my relationship with my parents, and my friends.  Say our spouse is a words of affirmation person, even though this might not be our own love language, we now know that affirming words from us to them will best show them we love them.

Tonight it all made a little bit more sense, and I really am not quite sure how I missed it.  Dave is a man of few words and he is very introverted.   Me?  Well have you ever talked to me?  If you know me you know I can talk circles around most people.  So this makes for an interesting marriage some days....I could babble for hours and really, Dave just wants quiet.  It's a hard balance.  Something we have to work hard at.  Something I can't take personally when he just can't handle talking anymore.  

This weekend I watched my man work his tail off.  Our house has been on the market for 6 weeks.  Lots of showings.  No offers.  We lowered the price this week and are praying that this will do the trick to get us an offer.  Dave has now been working at his new job in Chicago since May 23rd.  He lives with family during the week in the suburbs while I hold down the fort at home, continuing to work, showing the house, and being a mom.  This weekend he kicked it into high gear.  I stood back and watched.  So often I use my words in a controlling way.  I felt recently like God said (in a nice God-like way)..."Just shut your mouth."  I tell my husband how to do things, what to do, and when do them....so much He never gets a chance to learn on his own, and grow from it...cause I control it.  God said "Shut your mouth."  So I have been trying to.  As I watched him work this weekend my heart was sad....Me?  I just wanted to spend time with him since we don't get to see him during the week at all right now.  I wanted to just sit and have a conversation with him, but instead I watched.  Talked to him while he worked as he was able and just let him be.  He fixed things.  Painted things.  Improved things.  Rearranged things.  Decluttered things.  All in an effort to get our house sold.  He used his gift....acts of service....and tonight as I was cleaning up the last of the weekends messes to get ready for another work week it hit me like a ton of bricks.  This whole time, in all our almost 7 years of marriage I missed it.  He wants to get my love language he really does, but when he serves me in some random act of service, he is speaking love to me the loudest way he knows how.

All those nights I got home from work after 6 and he had dinner in the making or ready and waiting....

In the beginning of our marriage when he worked a full time job and a part time job just to help provide us a better future....

The nights he came home from his full time job and would head to the library for hours to study while he was also in school full time....to serve me and Abigail so he could help provide better for us....

Applying to hundreds of jobs and not giving up even after many many many rejections....

Driving home from Chicago 3 hours every weekend in rush hour only to be home and work on house projects all weekend to sell our home and why?  Because he loves us....he doesn't want us here away from him any longer than we have to be, and though it's hard for him to say that out loud because he is a man of few words, tonight, when I finally shut my mouth and watched him work feverishly, I got it.  He is saying "I love you" to me in the loudest way he knows how.


What do you like to do to show your hubby that you love him?  Come link in your thoughts with us on facebook!

Blessings,

Patience

Photo Credit 

These last few weeks of having our house on the market have really been testing me.

When we bought our home we had all the power in the decision making process.  We could choose to buy or not buy.  We could choose to buy a fixer upper or a move in ready home.  We could buy  more expensive or less expensive.  The choice was ours (with God's guidance of course) but everything was entirely left into our hands to decide.  Enter...selling a house.  Where I had no idea that every single ounce of power and control that I so desire to cling so tightly to was immediately ripped from my grasp.

I cannot control any of this.  An offer on our house depends entirely on someone else deciding they want to buy our house.  It's emotional.  We have had lots of showings in the 2 1/2 weeks its been on the market, and I know...you veteran house sellers are laughing at me....I can hear it now "Chill out girl!  2 1/2 weeks?  That's it!  Try 2 1/2 years!"  I know I know....it's ridiculous, but I'm a newbie.  I didn't realize how much selling a house would stretch me.  Teach me.  Grow me.

The first week I started out with my crazy workaholic mentality that wouldn't let me stop cleaning and prepping until our house was ready to go on the market.  The first week also brought insane amounts of control on my part as to what our house needed to look like when we went to bed, before we left in the morning, how we would prepare meals in case someone wanted to look at our home during supper time etc.   Between weeks 1 and 2 I wondered why our house hadn't sold yet.  Keep in mind that when we bought our house we had been looking for 2 years!  We knew what was in the market in our price range and it wasn't much.  So when we saw our house and it's potential we looked at it twice in one day, made an offer, and an offer was accepted.  I think we bought it after it had been on the market for like 3 or 4 days.  Our neighbor was the same way- he bought his house at the same time we did and bought it off the market on like day 1 or 2.  So imagine my expectation...surely our house would sell quickly!

Week 2 I started to chill out a bit, and this week we had a second showing and emailed back and forth between that Realtor and ours some answers to the potential buyers questions.  They asked a lot of questions.  So I know they are interested but there was a week between the first showing and the second showing...so maybe their will be a week before they make an offer?  (One can only hope! :)

It's hard.  It's emotional.  You want so badly to not be biased to what people say or think about your home, but you are.  It's the place you've made your home.  It's our first home as a family.  I brought my first baby home here.  So you do have emotional attachment.  It's familiar.  It's comfortable.  It's safe.  It doesn't require change when we are still here, but out there....out there requires much change. New things.  Scary things.

And for now God keeps gently reminding me that this is all out of my control.  That I have to trust Him and let Him teach me...to be patient.

Blessings,

Tired

I'm tired....

The last few weeks all seem like such a blur.  My head and my heart can hardly keep up.  Our house went up on the market a week ago and my timeline has looked something like this...

The week of April 23rd- Dave was officially offered his new job.  That week was spent getting contracts signed, and talking with each of our employers (between the 2 of us we have 4).  

The weekend after was spent decluttering and deep cleaning our house, only to have Dave and Abbie get sick and as the only well one in the house I kept plugging along, and reminded myself that I have an issue with being a borderline workaholic...I won't stop until a job is done whether that means working until 3AM or completing a task at 5PM.

I met with our realtor on Monday April 29th and our house officially went on the market on April 30th.  The rest of that week we had a few finishing touches to do- touch up interior trim, had someone come to clean carpets and we had to install a new garage door...we won't go there...I broke it :(  $600 later, it's fixed :( 

In that time we have had 5-6 people look at it and let me tell you, when I prayed and prayed for years for a new job opportunity for Dave so I could be home more with our kids, I had no idea what extra tasks would come with this request- keeping a house clean and show ready with a dog and toddler 247...geez!  All the prep to get our house ready, thinking about taking Abbie out of a school she loves, finding a new church in a new city, finding all new doctors (pediatricians, OB gyn or a midwife, dentists, chiropractor, etc), working full time while doing all of the above, trying to maintain my "feed my family a good meal" mentality and failing ridiculously (no worries I gave this one up almost asap....even making simple meals is proving to be hard but right now using disposable plates its saving my life!), taking care of myself through all this when I am trying so hard to keep up with everything else, trying to find a new place to live (do we rent do we buy...), and on top of all that I kid you not my dog is ridiculously anxious right now cause she knows something is up and so I promptly drugged her with benadryl to chill her out, and then being a vet tech asked one of my veterinarian bosses if we could up it a notch so I am now armed with sedatives if she gets too bad, and doggy Prozac...kid you not!  

It's so overwhelming that while my family sleeps....I'm not.  My mind is on overload and I know my problem.....I need to let it go and let God.  I can't control it.  I can't stop it and I can't do anything about it that I am not already doing.  Our houses sale won't pend on the tiny microscopic piece of dirt on the floor that I missed before a showing, we WILL find a place to live, we WILL find new doctors...it will all get taken care of.  

Dave starts his new job on May 23rd and at that time, he will be living with family in the suburbs and I will be here....a single mom during the week with a dog on Prozac and a 2 year old.....someone please lie to me and tell me that ISN'T insane to do.  I'm scared, I'm tired, and I need rest.  

Often times I feel guilty because I feel like I never really celebrated that God answered our prayers....because they came with contingencies that I didn't expect.  

Yesterday I found myself writing down the things that were annoying me so that I could instead list off how they are blessings instead of irritations, and it helped.  It really is all about our perspective and our choice to choose joy isn't it?

Though I'm tired, I don't have to be.  I'm tired because mentally I am trying to control all this "stuff" that I can't really control and I have to give it up and trust God with the outcome, or it might be months before I sleep again.

He wants to take care of me.  All of me and not just the parts that I let him.  

I find myself daily reminding myself of these verses:

Philippians 4:11-13

"I am not saying this because I am in need for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

and this morning I found this verse and it brought such an amazing sense of peace to my heart:

Psalms 94:19

"When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought me joy."

He really does want to carry this burden for me, and whether I lose 100 hours of sleep throughout this process, or I worry all day long and cause my anxiety to spring up....He wants to shoulder it for me, if I will just let Him.  His word promises that He will take care of me...He cares for lilies and birds for goodness sake so of course he will take care of his children.

He will help us find a place to live....it might not be perfect, it might not be what we wish we could afford, but it will be exactly what we need right now.

He will give me the strength to be a single mom during the week for awhile....

He will help us find a new church, new friends, new doctors, etc....

He will help us sell our house whether now or next year....eventually it will sell.

He's got it.  It's his, not mine.

And so now I will go sweep off the patio one more time because we have another house showing later this afternoon....or better yet, I think I'm going to just let that go and sip my homemade coffee while I blog about it instead :)  

Blessings,

*Photo credit- http://www.w2wministries.org/2012/06/to-tired-mom.html

Exciting News!!

We're moving!  (Who likes those people who wait until the end to tell their news anyway...figured I'd just get it all out there :)

After years, many tears, and much prayer on our knees my hubby was given a job offer as a Food Scientist at a company in Chicago.  We've prayed and prayed and hoped for something to happen so I could stay home more with Abigail, but nothing came, and God called me to be a working mom.

During that time my hubby was taking part time classes pursuing his degree to be a Food Scientist so he could get a job still working in a field he loves, but be able to help support a family better financially.

Last year my hubby sacrificed a lot as he decided to continue to work full time while going to school full time so he could finish his classes and graduate and be done to spend time with his girls :)  The year was much harder than I imagined but neither of us have any regrets.  He graduated in May 2012 and I couldn't have been more proud of him.

Being able to see him walk across that stage after seeing him come home from work, night after night and packing his suppers so he could go study at the library or sit with a book in his hands for hours past a normal bedtime in order to achieve his dream was an indescribable feeling.  At times during the journey I wasn't sure we would ever make it, but we did!  He did!  The tears came when he was handed his diploma.  He did it!  We made it!  He was done! 

 And here we are at his graduation last May...we made it!  

And now, almost a year later....Dave has a new job!  He will be starting at the end of May/beginning of June.  

Lots to happen at our house in the next few weeks!  Almost the moment he had the official job offer and we decided to accept I started decluttering our house and deep cleaning so we could get it on the market as soon as possible (I know I say I'm type A, but really people...this has Type A stamped all over it!)

If you think of it would you say a few quick prayers for us right now.  There is a lot on our minds and much to be thankful for yet many things to easily worry about......

• For our house to sell- I am continuing to work while Dave will live with family in the suburbs until our house sells (at least we are planning to do this for a little while.  Which means I will be a single mom during the week....please please please please house...sell quickly!!)
• For a smooth transition for Abigail from going to her daycare to staying with Dave's mom and a family friend, to being home with me almost 247 once we finally move (She loves school a lot and I know it will take time to adjust to our new normal and find ways for her to still get the socializing she loves so much!)
• For a reasonably priced place to live in the Chicago suburbs- ha!  I know right!?  We of course don't want to live in a bad area, but we just pray for a place to live that is no more than an hour commute (at least most days) for Dave to travel into the city.  We also want to rent for a bit to save up a larger down payment for our next house.
• For Dave and I to grow closer in this process.  When we both get scared and worry about things we tend to lash out at each other and it's all because of fear.  So we've been trying to prayer together when something starts to worry us and it's been helping a lot.  
• For wisdom- I've been working for so long and also have wanted to be home more for so long, but now that I am facing it....I'm terrified!  Abbie and I's personalities are a lot alike- I worry about her being bored with me and us getting sick of each other quickly being together 247.  We potentially have some job options for me which we are seeking out (mostly would be from home with minimal work outside of the home-  more on those later as things evolve if they do :)   I do enjoy a work life balance, but the more kids we have, the more you pay for daycare, and the less my working makes sense if the entire thing just will go to daycare unless I can find something from home or maybe a minimal part time evening shift somewhere so we wouldn't have to pay as much in daycare.

Ok so my prayer list just got long :)  Thanks for reading it though, and if you have ever moved or relocated would you share your 1 or 2 of your best pieces of advice?  I know I am a pretty organized person, but man, so much is happening at once....I'm trying hard to just focus on one step at a time or else it gets overwhelming!

Blessings,

Time to Toss the Scale??

A few weeks ago I weighed myself, and my 6-7#s of typically monthly weight fluctuation...never fluctuated down again.  My heart beat faster.  Raced...why?  "Eat less!  Exercise more!" The voices screamed, and for a moment I stopped to ponder....what if I didn't know what the # was?  This # that can cause me to spiral into an emotional downturn in a matter of moments.....what if I didn't know what it was anymore?  Now I could know by the feel of my clothes, but I would lose control....gasp!  Lose control!!??  Of my weight?!!?  That # is so important though!   Is it?  Really?  What's in a number anyway?

That number represents what my body weighs.  It deceives me when I gain 7 pounds before I get my period.    It deceives me when I lose the 7 pounds.  It weighs more when I have gained more muscle.  It weighs more when I haven't defecated.  It weighs more after I eat a big meal.....so what is the number really?  

The number doesn't tell me how healthy I do or do not eat.  It doesn't tell me how much I exercise.  It says nothing about my spiritual and emotional well being.  

A few years ago when my husband first learned of my initial struggle with a borderline eating disorder, he took my scale away.  It was a digital scale that we received as a wedding present.  One of which I promptly used 8-10 times a day- when I woke up, after I urinated, after I defecated, before I ate, clothes off, clothes on....weighed myself ALL.  THE.  TIME.  He took away the source....took my battery away from my digital scale and tossed it in the cupboard.  It since has never been used.  Though I chose to move it with us when we moved from an apartment to our house.  My problem now:  I still have access to a scale.  I work at a veterinary clinic.  We weigh dogs on our large scale there so I can always weigh myself if I want to.  I don't weigh myself everyday there.  I used to once a week or once a month, but even that often for me...messes with my head.  Was it really worth knowing the number?  

After I had Abigail I worked so hard to get the weight off- eating relatively healthy and exercising 5 days a week only to struggle with the weight loss and then being diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  Finally at 9 months post postpartum I saw my old number on the scale again.  Relief.  Sweet relief!  Really?  Was it that important?  Wasn't it more important to try to get back down to a healthy weight again, nurse my baby and not overly focus on decreasing calories which could decrease my milk supply for her, and living a healthy lifestyle?  You would think so....but there is something about that number.  It's intrigue.  It's label.  It's importance and once it becomes a number you want....you are satisfied with it, but longing for more.  In high school I weighed about 35-40# more than I do now and you know what...physically my body image was much healthier back then than it is now.  I may take much better care of myself now, but I beat myself up a lot less then than I do now, and why?  Why does this # have so much pull on my entire attitude?

Here is a picture of me taken in 2003:

And here is a picture of me taken just recently (2013)

I tell you all because I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks now and every ounce of my being wants to, but I'm starting to think its time for me to toss the scale.  I don't want to reach an unhealthy weight, but I need to focus more on a healthy diet and exercise and enjoying life than micromanaging every ounce my crazy woman's body will fluctuate in it's lifetime.  I recently read an article about the correlation between a mother's body image and her daughters.....and sadly I know it's not just a bunch of lies....I've seen it before.  I've personally heard a 5 year old girl look at herself in a mirror and call herself fat when they literally were the most beautiful petite 5 year old I have ever seen and you know why she said that....who else would she learn from?  Her mother, older sister, relative....someone of influence in her life does that in front of her.  

A friend of mine at work was telling me the other day that his girlfriend hasn't weighed herself in over 10 years.  When she goes to the doctors office she tells them to cover the number or she closes her eyes cause she doesn't want to know.  She is healthy.  She is a runner.  She eats well, and anytime I have seen her she looks to be in good shape to me, and so I wonder....could I do that too?  Could I really give up that much control and start focusing more on living a healthy lifestyle instead of letting that ever fluctuating # dictate my mood?

I'm so scared....scared I will gain my 40# back.  Scared I will overeat.  Scared of the loss of control, but I think I'm ready.  I think I need this.  I think it's time to lay this struggle to rest and let God bless me without the knowledge of a #.  Anyone else with me?  Do you have that struggle?  What if we let God heal our hearts and gain freedom in the pain from our pasts?  What if we finally let it go and instead of playing the yo yo dieting game, finally just started to make good choices both in diet and exercise for our bodies?  

My hubby married me at at about 10 or so more #s than what I am currently, and met me when I was probably closer to 20# more....sadly all my effort really hasn't gone noticed by him.  You know why?  He really can't tell.  At all!

He promised for better or for worse, and he meant it.  

He loved me when I was 40 weeks pregnant and gained more weight than I wanted to during a pregnancy

He loved me then.  He loves me now, and no matter how much my weight fluctuates with more babies,  hypothyroidism, or diet and exercise ..He loves me and whats more important than Dave's love for me is that God loves me.  I am not a number.  My value is so much more than that.  I am loved.  Cherished, and valued by the very one who knit me together and knew every single day of my life before I was even born....that's love and if I am going to be labeled by anything it's by that...that I am a child of God, loved my beloved and worth far more than just having my identity found in a number.

Who's with me??!!  

Blessings,